Why I Quit Being 'Too Nice'

I was too nice until life happened. It wasn't my intention to be a @diabolika. All the @diabolikas of the world are made not born. When I was younger, I always looked for validation and approval from others because it felt nice to be called nice, until nice became too nice. As I get older, I realized that being too nice can be a negative thing. You will be seen as weak, needy, manipulative, unrealistic and dependent. People see you as someone who can easily be taken advantage of, a tool for their own selfish goals. Human connection sounds like business to me. It sucks to be too nice when you are not setting boundaries in relationships. You lose yourself in the process.

I believe it all started when I was a child, I was treated as a commodity, a means to an end by those who were supposedly loving and taking care of me. Unknowingly, I became too nice to anyone showing signs of slight affection. I was constantly looking for love and approval from external sources. I became a doormat. But bad experiences taught me the consequences of being too nice to people, I expected to be treated the same. My sky-high expectations brought a lot of big disappointments in my life. I just couldn't fathom how come people cannot do the same to me. How can't they be just as polite, sensitive and empathetic? The truth is, I feel very deeply. I become hypersensitive. I give what I haven't received in life. But I gave too much hoping that people would do the same. Being too nice means you tend to set unrealistic expectations, so when you don't get what you give, you feel hurt, betrayed and abandoned.

In the history, you know what had become of the nice people. They were taken advantage of, killed, cheated and manipulated by the dominant force/race in the society. As I mingled and opened myself to different people, I came to a conclusion that the same type of behavior has been passed to their newer generation. If not killing, just subtly taking advantage of the weaker forces to further establish dominance, mostly through economic means. I see this every day around me. The too nice people can't be strong leaders, they first need to establish status and power in order to be respected. I feel like those who demand idealism are only doing so to further take advantage of the nice people and maintain dominance in the society. Sure, I could be wrong but when in 1 in a (?)? Now I admit that I hate being called nice. I also hate being identified with the members of the tribe. Oh, here comes the nice and smiley people! BS, count me out of your BS from now on. Deep down, I only hear being called weak. Too nice means people will bend their spines to the best of their ability only to favor the ulterior motives of the self-righteous alpha males. Swallow the bitter reality or drown in the sea of illusion and feel the pain again and again. Your life, your choice.

I remember the young idealist version of myself when my mind was still pure and uncontaminated with bad experiences. I used to believe in equality, love, peace and all that shit I was made to believe. But you will never know how it feels until you are part of or on the receiving end of oppression and harsh treatment. It is all relative, perspective changes in time. What is true to you might not be true to me. I learned this the hard way.

I now try to set limits without giving too much. It is very difficult for me to trust anyone, anyone who is also too nice. Because there are not many too nice people in this world anymore, and knowing human nature, there could only be a hidden agenda. The truth is, people are too full of themselves and I am no different. People want to present their case straight away without even listening to others. I don't really fall for those who take the moral high ground. For me, being selfless means being selfish.

I smiled a big smile but my politeness and charm were only misinterpreted. Most only thought I was flirting or that I liked them back. Youthfulness is a curse, it is perceived as deceitful. It is hard to find a true human connection that I just put up with people's behavior. And so I become hurt, bitter and angry. It is hard to be myself with anyone because it only means being pushed around and disrespected. People don't know their limits so I learned to set those myself. I learned self-respect.

I was too nice, that was the problem. I don't want to sound Machiavellian but sometimes, life's business is forcing me to be. Wait until you get there... I say. In this crapitalistic society, people are treating each other as commodities. In this day and age, It is hard to know who your true friends really are, so I learn to value the very few people in my life. I try to overcome my trust issues but it is difficult now. I worry that I might not leave something for myself again. I take care of myself first because no one else can. My sanity first before I worry about yours. I help myself before I can help you. Treat me nice and I'll treat you even better. Push me down and I'll push you even further. Beware of the saint. Sure, nice is a nice word, but know when to stop being too nice.