Nice Girls Finish Last?

I think there are two types of people in this world, the ones with empathy and the ones without. The nice ones and the bad ones. Not to sound too nihilistic, but everyone's just equally shit, each tiny little star competes for a slight attention in the vast cosmic universe. Even the nice ones are bad.

You might have already guessed that I'm living in a neighborly society. I was taught that I cannot just do without the other. Everyone should be nice and please each other. It's a bit different in big cities though, people are more fast-paced and advanced thinking. And just like in any other capitalistic societies, there's the huge disparity. The rich are getting richer and the poor are getting more jealous.

I hope that the last statement would not inflict some shock as that's what I have been observing these days. I'm not rich though but now I understand that in this town, those who were able to get ahead were not usually neighborly and nice people. The ugly truth is that the nice people are deemed weak here. You can understand that whenever I become part of the generalization, the term 'nice' just really ticks me off. That's what you get, I'm a sensitive snowflake. Not that I'm not used to oppression, my skin becomes so thick that I can no longer feel.

I was talking about business with a lady yesterday, a potential contractor. She is also not from this town and she was coaching me 'how to be nice to the nice people'. Since the townspeople are so hostile against the outsiders especially those who are making more money or those who succeeded in life. They just hate those who show them what they don't have. Funny enough that I have to be agreeable to the core just to win people's hearts. She was even coaching me how to shower the authorities with gifts just so I can get my venture off the ground. I have to do things that I don't really like. To be utterly nice to people that I'd throw up. Honestly, I hate politeness and all the niceties. Though I'm neither rude nor arrogant, I still have slight empathy underneath my skin. Now I get it, it's hard to empathize when people become pretentiously nice and have a lot of time in their hands to focus on other people's shit. Empathy goes hand in hand with the desire to be understood. I only want to maintain civility with everyone and cherish the few right ones.

Even though I'm living in isolation, I must admit that I still crave social harmony. I tend to be nice around people. I want them to know that I'm a good person too. I try my best to hide my bitchiness. Deep down, I still don't want to look like a disagreeable jerk just like the alpha males. Honestly, I don't know how to be in between, do you?

"You need to look simple, women here hate a not-so-bad-looking woman," the lady said. I've felt that right from the beginning. While the local men hate a woman who can do a lot of things. Damn, do I have to change myself in the name of achievement? Just to fit in and look like a good person? Be nice to everyone just so I can get what I need from them?

There's another side to this story, if you tend to be overdoing agreeability, people can know. You are just as bad as the selfish ones. Nice people can also make everyone feel bad about themselves. They say that women tend to be more agreeable and men don't usually give a fuck, and so that is why they earn more. Though not all, they usually make it to the top.

I hate to hear travelers always labeling people here 'oh we love it here the people are nice bla bla (mimicking their accent)'. Sure they are nice to you because they want something from you, don't you know? That's what I want to say. I know the shit. Here's the truth about the nice people, they tend to be very judgmental. They have this susceptibility to 'groupthink'. They are capable of capturing, burning and cooking me in a giant hotpot in public, just like what they do in the old days.

I wrote recently that someone was trying to scare me for my actions. He said that I need to please people from here. I think that is very exhausting to do. I love being in my comfort zone and I prefer to prioritize creativity and innovation over social harmony. It is stupid to think that I can please everyone just so I can get my business off the ground. Whether he likes it or not, the time will come when people will hate me even more. They will increase in number when I become more successful in what I do.

Lately, I've come to terms with myself, I am fine with people not liking me. I accept that is just the price of being myself. Accepting that I am unapologetically myself eases my own anxiety and overthinking. The price of introducing something new is to even have more people disliking me. I'm talking about a patriarchal society here, a woman living alone and trying to do everything on her own is what most people are not used to. The culture taught me to submit and obey.

Yesterday as I was trying to have this lady from a government institution to prepare a document, she was very firm not admitting her fault of misspelling my full name. I was annoyed but composed. "Please make sure that everything is spelled correctly, " I said. The officer who was going to sign it look at me. I know that kind of judgmental look. Nice people won't say that, they usually wait around for a long time, answer yes sir or yes mam in their very soft voices. It is hard for them to assert themselves when something is wrong. That is just the over-politeness of people who are more prone to being taken advantage of, no wonder the government is so corrupt and the foreigners get ahead.

To actually earn the real friends or have the right people by my side means that I have to survive to be on my own. To survive social failure and still have the guts to face the world. In my life experience, I earned a few real friends that way. I must reconcile myself to the risk of not making friends to actually stand the chance of making any.