I'm a shy social introvert
What does that mean?
I find myself at a party with a group of friends, co-workers, and acquaintances, yet I feel out of place and alone. I find myself in situations where I am:
- Quietly standing in a crowd listening to other people's conversation but not providing any value to the discussion wondering why I am even here - you know, those awkward circles people stand in at parties
- Trying to think of something clever to say, sometimes trying to think of anything to say at all
- standing there with a smile pretending to drink the beverage I have been holding in my hands for almost the entire night
- occasionally excusing myself to go to the bathroom when I dont actually have to go just to not seem as awkward
- following that one close friend around because you are comfortable talking to that person but trying not to look out of place and alone - when i actuality you already feel out of place and alone
- dialing my fiancee to talk to her just to feel a little less awkward
Has anyone else ever felt that way - you are in a social environment, where it seems like everyone is having a good time, having what seems like endless conversations of various topics, and generally comfortable just being around each other, but you do not.
I often times feel that I'm on the outside looking in or just even out of place and although I am a part of the social circle, I feel like I don't belong or don't have anything to contribute, which leads to me just being there.
Some people feel naturally at home in social environments. They can talk to anyone about anything. I am not one of those people. Naturally, I need to really get to know someone before I can get to the point of just being at ease. Generally when I meet someone new I can comfortably have a short conversation, but eventually it will lead to that uncomfortable silence where Im trying to think of something else to say and then ultimately end up just coming with an excuse to exit such as "I'll go to the bathroom. I'll be right back." Either that or I'll be like that annoying fly that tends to follow the one friend I'm comfortable talking to around.
You want to know something funny. I actually started this article while I was at the party - a diversion tactic to take my mind off of the isolation I had put myself in, which in turn isolated me even more. Once I realized that I put my phone away, saved my work and joined one of the conversations going on. Luckily for me, it was a group of friends who I was somewhat close to, discussing a topic I was interested in - in this case, planning our next diving trip.
There are a million guides and articles out there which provide techniques to get over this awkwardness, but none seem to work full proof for me. No matter what, I am always still considered the quiet one. Anyone have any recommendations or suggestions?
Please let me know your thoughts and recommendations in the comments below
Image Sources: [1] [2] [3]
![[1]](http://affinitymagazine.us/wp-content/uploads/2016/12/socially-awkward-new-years-resolution.jpg){kind=link}
![[2]](http://cdn-media-1.lifehack.org/wp-content/files/2013/09/How-To-Be-More-Social-If-You-Are-Introverted.jpg){kind=link}
![[3]](http://www.rd.com/wp-content/uploads/sites/2/2016/10/02-bring-small-ways-stop-being-socially-awkward-73491109-skynesher.jpg){kind=link}
It's a social anxiety issue. Huge percent of population is suffering from it. Some people use alcohol and drugs to overcome it, but those two just make it worse. Anti-anxiolytic benzos are the worst choice of all because of their fast developing addiction nature.
I believe that one should try "paradox of intention" psychiatric method of overcoming social anxiety. Ergo, person must put all it's efforts into talking itself to be as anxious and "awkard" as possible. Try to be the most awkard person on the planet, don't try to be perfect and you will see your anxiety wiped out like it never happened.
Of course, this doesn't always apply to hard cases such as clinical depression, ADHD induced, et cetera.
Great topic @cloh76 to think and write about.
Thanks. Just a post of everything i was feeling at the time. Ill have to read into this "paradox of intention" method more.
https://steemit.com/life/@freedomnation/what-is-paradox-of-intention-and-why-should-you-try-it-by-freedomnation-201764t1727150z
Without meaning to promote my own post directly, I just give you this shortcut.
great. I'll check it out
The best thing you can do it just accept how your feeling and just be yourself. Your not the only one in the room that feels that way. Others just know how to cover it up really good and are just as shy. Looking forward to your next posts :)
Thanks. Yup sometimes I wish i could cover it up just as effectively :)
My wife and I have both dealt with social anxiety most of our lives, it is possible to overcome. :)
sad. just one of those quirks I have to consciously be aware of
Hey :) You sound like I used to be many years ago. I'm still naturally a shy person (INFJ here!) but I decided I wanted to become more comfortable with myself. FOR myself and not to impress others or anything.
It started with ignoring the urge to distract myself in social situations ;). I knew instinctively that people weren't looking at me or paying attention to the lonely person in the corner and it was all in my head. You have to try and put yourself in others shoes in those situations. They may sort of notice you but they're more involved with the good time they're having.
So I would practice reveling in my own discomfort. Or rather, ignoring it. What does a confident person do? Because I wanted to BE that! So I would look up. Watch people. Smile at them if they looked at me and basically just pretend this is exactly what I wanted to be doing. Sitting here alone and observing. Forcing myself to embrace the awkwardness of it all.
To my surprise it was way less hard than I thought. When you're more aware of how unaware people are of your discomfort (although there is the one off where there's an empathetic person who will find you and try to strike up a conversation because they've been in your situation) it will gradually change how you think of the situation. You have to make the effort though. Whenever you find yourself uncomfortable just ask yourself what confidence looks like, sounds like, feels like. And fake it until you make it, basically. It worked wonders for me! And like I said, not as hard as you might think if you're willing to reach deep down and let yourself find some sort of love for yourself and tell yourself you're okay with who you are. Cheesy, I know. But true.
And if that doesn't work, I even went as far as to channel it into anger. I don't fucking give a crap what people think! I'm going to be who I am and everyone else can go to hell. That sort of thing :). Anger can be a confidence booster too. And truthfully, I might actually BE a little angry...at myself for being so shy or at others for making me feel uncomfortable. Whatever I could muster up.
Anyways, I hope this helps!
Followed!
It definitely does. Great advise. I tend to on occasion force myself into ignoring the awkwardness. There are just those times like earlier where you just forget and slip into the isolation. I'm not sure about channeling it into anger, but maybe worth a try - who knows it may work as well. I definitely see how it can work since anger generally pushes one to be more assertive.
Exactly :) It does take practice though. The more I did it the better I felt about myself because I only noticed good things.
go to friends) psyhology this is power!))
yup friends generally do make the conversations easier. I just want to be able to be comfortable in any situation. Work in progress.