Feelings Don't Come With Instructions - Daily Meditation #26
I have to hit you with some tough love today: how you are feeling never excuses your actions. Feelings do not come with instructions. Your emotions don't force you to act in a particular way. Being angry, jealous, or sad does not necessitate that you lash out, berate someone, or hole yourself away. Your feelings may make your actions more understandable, but feelings never demand particular actions from you. Your actions are always a choice, regardless of how your emotions played into your decision making.
Here are a few lessons to remember:
- Just because you don't feel like it doesn't mean you shouldn't: This logical fallacy keeps many of us flabby and fearful of the gym.
- Just because you feel like it doesn't mean you should: It's perfectly fine to want to punch someone in the face, but not okay to haul off and do it.
- Just because you want to react doesn't mean you have to: A personal insult seems to beg for a response, but saying nothing is still an option.
Feelings are not intrinsically paired with actions. They are merely feelings. Treat your feelings like clues about what to do next, rather than instructions. Why do I feel this way? Where did this feeling come from? What will I choose to do next?
You cannot "feel wrong", but you can certainly "act wrong". It's possible to honour and acknowledge what you are feeling, while still choosing actions that are largely independent of your emotions.
Stop treating your emotions like a set of instructions, and life will be a lot easier for you.
Like this post? Please feel free to follow me!
Or read more daily meditations:
Why We Should Stop Saying "Pressure Creates Diamonds"
Practicing Gratefulness Isn't Just A Cliche
How To Handle Adversity? Expect It.
Don't Fight For Hills That You Can't Keep
Can You Make Life 1% Better?
When There Is Blood In The Water
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Very true, this is quite wise of you.
Thank you. I am glad that you agree.
When we become to identified with our emotions, it seems like we must respond in kind with what we are feeling. Fortunately, there is nothing engraved in stone that says we must.
There is nothing engraved in stone that says we must.I like this one. Very true.
Very good and wise advice. Our feelings are a necessary part of us and we should understand that it's merely a part, we still have our minds to help us make the right decision.
Yep! Emotions feel very important, but they aren't necessarily more important than our other experiences of consciousness.
One of the best post on all of Steemit. Although I beg to differ with you on the title. Feeling do come with instructions and you'll find those instructions in a box of crack-r-jack...
Thank you for your generous comment, @spozone. lol I will have to test your theory and buy some crack-r-jack.
This goes quite well with your 'diamond' theory. Part of the 'sharpening' I suppose is learning to cut out our automatic responses that come from triggers/hurt feelings... or maybe that's just me! I know it's been a slow learning process!
Great post as always,
@byn
Thank you, @Byn!
Oh man... I still don't follow my own advice from time-to-time. I am really good with those I love, but sometimes I am too hard on strangers and I react to my emotions unthinkingly. It's a process, like you said.
Just being aware of our shortcomings and acknowledging them really does make a difference!
My god, this article was great. Appreciator got me to your post. The thought displayed your maturity and gave me wisdom. Also, your writing has clarity. :)
Hey! I am so glad you enjoyed it!
You're a new face around here, @abhinavmendhe! Good to see you.
I try to write as clearly as possible. I do enjoy some poetic flourish, but I can get in a mood where I just need to shoot straight.
Are you in #Steemitbloggers or did you just follow @appreciator?
You write poems? I love writing poems. I have shared some on my blog. I am not on #Steemitbloggers. I follow @appreciator. I am going to stick around for your writings. :)
Hey Chris. Fascinating blog. I have been reading what you are posting with interest.
I broadly agree with you. I have a friend who was having a horrendous time a while ago dealing with an awful situation, and in the midst of this, he got a phone call that he really didn't want to take, and he felt guilty about that. The thing is though, he took the call!
I said to him, you can't be feeling guilty because you felt something. That's a chemical reaction. It is not what you feel that defines you, but how you behave. And you took the call because it was the right thing to do, and you are a good guy.
It's a balance, though. Sometimes feelings are are set of instructions, and it is right to adhere to them, and this is where I perhaps disagree with you a little. Emotions are an extension of who we are, and there are times where it is vital that you let them take over.
Everything is a shade of grey!
Hi, Mat! I am actually very glad you found some points to disagree on. I like this part of writing a lot.
I make my posts quite short, so people like you and I can discuss the things that are left out in the comments.
I think that how we should react to emotions is cultural, and therefore - subjective and subject to change. We can always play with our reactions, and either do the culturally acceptable thing, rebel against the norm, or try something else entirely!
But yes, I write with conviction, even if I am not 100% convinced myself ;)
I enjoy a good back and forth too. Some people are affronted by any sort of challenge, but that just belies their insecurity.
Actually, I think we are basically agreeing here! There is no golden ticket. How we respond depends on a variety of factors. What you are doing is encouraging people to be a little circumspect with their behaviour. And some people are very much at the mercy of their emotions, which would make your advice extremely salient.
A lot of people are far too reactive to everything. Not enough take a moment - just a moment - before they respond.
Oh no! When someone respectfully disagrees, it's really great. They're trying to help me see their point of view, and they very well could be right.
Thank you for truly engaging with me and my content. People like you are the reason that I write.
That's a lovely thing to say, thanks.
See you around, I hope.
This is a really good piece of advice here Chris. I rarely react to people trying to make me feel weaker than them, but that doesn't mean to say I don't want to stamp on them haha
Whoops! Hey @Raymond! Sorry I missed you here. Better late than never.
I think that's great that you've learned the lessons here. Wanting to do something and actually doing it are so different hahaha We shouldn't blame ourselves for the initial urge, but if we follow through...Well, that's something to think about!
I have learned, and was taught, to think before you speak. In the heat of a moment, harsh words can be sprewed causing a bigger issue than the original one.
"Every action has a reaction"... I stop and assess the possible consequences for every reaction.
Hey @Goldendawne! My apologies for not getting back to you sooner. I find it hard to follow all my comments, especially when they end up on posts from a few days back.
Yes! We usually end up taking a problem and turning it into an even bigger one when we act on initial urges. Taking a few moments to think and decide how to proceed can work wonders.
I'd argue that feelings do demand particular actions from you. The question, however, becomes whether or not your feeling is reading and responding to reality in a way that benefits you. :)
Funny, my recent post is very relevant to this topic. Take a look if you're interested! Reason and Emotion: The Children of Desire, Part V
Good point. I actually think we are saying the same thing in different ways. Also, this is not my most well-written piece lol... I think that we sometimes feel that we must express anger in X, Y, or Z ways, but in reality, it's a choice.
Thanks for commenting and thanks for your support!
Hahaha I've often said to people that feelings don't come with instructions (like you're saying) AND they don't teach us how to deal with feelings in school. Shame =] but we get to figure it out ourselves hahaha
Hey you! Welcome back! Haven't seen you in awhile @vron!
Yes, it's a long long long long long long lesson to learn on your own. :)
Hahha yess I haven't been around -- lots of life changes recently that I was actually filling @raymondspeaks on. I'll be around a little more here -- probably mostly DTube =] looking forward to witnessing more of your writing!!