Musings about Life Narrative & Age

As I approach the official close of my 20's, self reflection is rampant. Did I do all I set out to do? Did I leave no stone unturned in the process? How harshly am I judging my perceived shortcomings? Have I become complacent? What's next? These are a few of the things I wish to discuss in this post.

I suppose everyone has a self narrative for expectations in their life and a corresponding time table for them. Most people will find theirs to be similar to their fellow man's. Not that we all have a scripted narrative but we do mostly all set forth to attain the same things in life at the basic, primal level - that being food, lodgings, fulfillment of emotional needs of partership & love. Even as young children, we recognize the importance of attaining these basic items in ones' life.

At our core, we seek methods that will satisfy these essentials. From there, we seek contentment derived from occupation, life goals & ambitions. From the basic needs standpoint, I have been fortunate enough to have always had food, lodging, running water, etc. I say fortunate because guess what? These basic needs aren't attained by everyone! I consider myself fortunate to have always had them given the epic rates of homelessness and literal starvation that abound. Many people operate within the realm of barely maintaining these items that many take for granted.

The loftier goals that exist outside of having our basic needs fulfilled are obtained only after the basic needs are satisfied. Think about it - If you are in survival mode desperate for food or say, have no roof over your head, the last thing you care about is getting a scholarship for post-graduate work. For me, I did chase my education for about half my twenties, finally settling into a "real job" right before my 25th birthday. That was the high point.

Being settled into a location that worked for me was icing on the cake. I finally got out of that town where "everybody knew everybody" and burnt bridges and remnants of bad situations where constant reminders. Oh, everything will be fine now I foolishly thought.

Oh the presumptions of my 27 y/o self. Now, as I close in on that big "three oh", I find myself looking at age and life experience in a different light. I never have really done this before. Other age related milestones such as turning 18 or 21 never really phased me as I was busy working towards the next thing. Now, I almost envy those driven days.

Now, my basic needs are met. I've long since figured out how to get those. My career ambitions largely met mostly due to attaining my education and gaining what is now several years experience in my chosen field.

If the "new grad" scent had ever worn off, it is now more than ever. I certainly feel I am at a possible point of complancency in this area. Should I attempt to further my education? No, that's not appealing or even needed right now. My bones are kind of but, at the same time, not really restless in this arena. I'm defintely not perfect and have much more to learn but so do we all. Furthermore, is it really complacency or do I just need to be content with where I am at right now in life? Probably the latter if I am being honest.

Is life all work and no play? Of course not. It has been almost 13 years since my first marathon. And it has been about 3 since my last one. For about half my life at this point, I have been driven by my love for running. I still haven't broken a four hour marathon. Could I have by now? Probably. But alas, we all know how life throws constant hurdles at us.

Are my best years really behind me?? No, they can't be! Please, no! I think I must be going through a late quarter life crisis! Ah, say it ain't so!

I digress. I certainly have learned a lot in my 20's and still have about 5 more months to learn more. Okay, that's a joke. I think one should set some age related milestones to measure self acheivement but, with the underlying knowledge that you never stop learning and growing. As long as you understand and accept that, you can't be too hard on yourself that you haven't broken a 4 hour marathon yet, or whatever.

All in all, I do have a lot to be thankful for and life is what you make it. Struggling with depression and, at times, crippling anxiety has not been easy, nor will it ever be easy. I've learned a lot about myself. I know myself better than I did a decade ago. But there's always that noisy inner self dialogue trying to wreak havoc.

Oh you haven't acheived this or that. Oh, you are falling short in this area. Blah, blah, blah!! Often these perceived short comings are just that, perceived. If I had a dollar for every time someone told me I was too hard on myself. ... Just saying, it is important to know when the inner critic is causing excessive and undue anxiety versus when it's just a gentle kick in the butt to make a needed & beneficial change. Maybe by the time I am 39, and feeling kind of weird about my life again, I can give you more feedback on this!

Hey, I just stated my long term commitment to steemit! Did you catch that? I just committed to another decade on steemit when I indicated I would get back to you when I am 39. Haha! raises a glass to another decade on steemit

I think life is really all about perspective. Age is just a number. As long as you don't have stale, stagnant energy within you, you are probably operating at a healthy level and will experience general life happiness. Seek to resolve inner conflicts and keep living. That's my summary for this long, and possibly non - sensical post.

I applaud you if you stayed until the end and are still reading this. Until next time, keep steeming people!

all photos and content my own