Painted Prison Walls (Part 3) - Robots and Cattle Yards

Painted Prison Walls

Part III – Robots and Cattle Yards

I was led by a guard down a cold grey hallway, down some stairs to what looked like some kind of military checkpoint. I was in complete shock, mind racing, no idea to what was coming next. Another guard stood at a booth to the right of this hallway. After a short exchange the “Court Guard” left me with the “Booth Guard” and robotically explained that I would need to give him my belt and shoelaces and empty any possessions from my pockets. I did so without question although I did ask why he needed my shoelaces…? He explained it was in case I wanted to hang myself with them my heart sank further.

Next he informed me that he would need to perform a strip search. My heart raced… but I knew I had no choice so I complied. Yep totally butt naked… standing there still in shock. I guess I just submitted, what else was there to do? Kick an scream? That wasn’t going to make this experience any easier.
He put his gloves on and patted me down, robotically demanding I stick my tongue out, move it this way move it that way, squat., lift your balls, peel your fore skin back… then sarcastically he asks, “Are you hiding anything anywhere else?”
At this point I felt absolutely humiliated… I just stared at him and shook my head.

I put my clothes back on and the “Booth Guard” walked me a little further down the hall and locked me in a cell. The cell was about 2x3m, 3 solid walls and your typical barred wall door configuration for the 4th, with a single steel bench. The walls were painted in a light grey and that muddy yellow colour you see in schools.
I sat there for I don’t know how long but it must have been many hours, my mind raced thinking about when I’d see my family and friends again. Do they get to visit? When will they visit? How often? Am I just going to be beat up everyday? Will I get bullied? Will I be raped? What am I going to do for 6 months in a jail? Is this going to feel like an eternity? What if something happens in here and I end up in here longer? Can I appeal the decision? GOD IF YOU ARE THERE I ASK FOR YOUR HELP.
That was basically my afternoon in that cell.

At some point a guard came with water and some biscuits, this would have been several hours after first going into this cell. He said I would be transferred to Surry Hills Police Station remand center for the night. Which pretty much meant jack shit to me but it did trigger a panic that I would potentially be spending the night with other prisoners. As much as it worried me I had reached this point where from what I can surmise I was in survival mode. I had stopped giving a fuck. I would keep to myself and if someone tried to fuck with me I would fight back. I needed to be strong.

So another hour or two passes and another guard comes to get me, lets call him “Van guard”, in a rush he says it’s time to leave and that I should follow him. He placed me in handcuffs and we walked to the end of the grey hall and out a door that leads to a back alley behind the downing center court. At least I think that’s where I was. It was nighttime and cold. All I had to wear were my suit pants and shirt and I shivered probably mostly because I was still in shock.
They load me into a van, I can’t even remember if there was anyone else in it and they closed the door. It was like a dark little cell on the back of a truck, one seat and a tiny little window at the top of the door to take in the 10x20cm view.
The truck/van thing started and than it was driving. I had no idea where it was going. But it didn’t seem to drive for to long. It reversed up to somewhere and after a few moments my door opened. I was lead out and into what looked like a jail.
Some more corrections robots processed me; their cold emotionless dialogue was somewhat comforting, as I didn’t really feel like having conversation. It turned out to be the Surry Hills Police cells and I would be spending at least tonight here. There were a couple of other prisoners, older guys who looked pretty junky and about as happy as I was. They didn’t bother me until I realized we would all be sharing the same cell. This cell was a bit different from the last basically just a big cage with one solid wall. On this solid wall was a toilet and a sink. I feel like there was a divider or something that gave you some privacy but I don’t remember properly. Either way I remember dreading it when I needed to use it. Which was not long after they served us a meal. It must have been 11 o’clock by now. I had seen a clock on my way in and it read 9.30.
The guards all seem rushed and flustered like we were running late and we had inconvenienced them… so sorry.
The meal came in a foil tray. It was some casserole thing from memory, it sounded okay, especially after not eating anything solid since that morning.
Upon opening it my mind quickly changed… basically just sludge with lots of liquid. It tasted ok… But I didn’t finish it.
After eating the guards offered us use of the showers I decided to accept just to see what it was like. I was surprised to find that I had it to myself and was able to relax a little. But three minutes doesn’t last long.

So the guards buggered off and turned the lights off. No beds not even a pillow or a blanket, just a wooden bench seat, just wide enough to lie on.
I lay there somewhat bewildered by the conditions, what if I have to spend more than one night here? After a few minutes my back was already sore and I could here cockroaches running around the place. I laid there, thoughts still racing, no one had said a word to one another… luckily, and eventually I must have fallen asleep.

Waking up the next day was a nightmare; I jumped to the realization of where I was. I actually believed I was at home. But after that shock the reality quickly sunk in and I just sat there staring at the floor.
I can’t remember what woke me but it seemed relatively late. The guards brought round breakfast, I can’t remember what it was but it was better than the dinner and from memory we even got a cup of tea.
This day is somewhat of a blur… All I remember is my name was called out and I was put on another transport to go to Silverwater Jail.

I was placed in handcuffs again and loaded up. A while later we arrived at our destination. When I realized where I was I definitely started to panic on the inside. This was a maximum-security prison and there were absolutely violent criminals here. I kept my cool and just followed along with the procedures. There were a lot of other inmates being processed that day and man some of them genuinely looked scary as all hell, their demeanor just emanated fear. We were put in cages with one another and basically just waited our turn to be processed. They took finger prints, took our photo, gave us our min card (aka jail license), checked our belongings in, gave us our green uniforms, strip searched us again… you know just in case they missed something the first time, did a brief psych check and a bunch of other shit that I don’t really remember. But it took aaaaggggeeesss!
While we waited everyone sat in mostly silence except a couple of guys who seemed to know one another from last time they were in jail…?
This came as a bit of a shock, and as I will discuss later a sobering view of just how shit life is for some Australians despite how well off we seem.
One thing that does stand out in my mind was when I was asked if I would like to go into “protection”. The guards explained that this was an option and what it meant was that I wouldn’t go into the general population. I instantly explained I had no idea and asked their opinion on the subject. The guards explained to me the types of people that go into protection first off and basically it went… rapists, pedophiles, people who could be targets like really wealthy people etc. They also made note that going into protection is frowned upon by other prisoners and shows weakness. And not to mention I would then be jailed with rapists and pedophiles. I didn’t really need to think much about it, I opted to go into the main population and they agreed that was a good idea. But did I trust them?

Herded like animals from cage to cage, as we were processed into this network of walls, tunnels and barbed wire. Still the colours were mostly washed out greys, blues and yellows. Other inmates began to get irritated and were complaining and getting a bit vocal, at this point I couldn’t give a fuck I was exhausted, I just wanted to be in a cell.
I was eventually allocated a pod, I don’t remember the number but it was a remand pod… so basically I was still in limbo.

Another thing that happened at some point along the way was we were asked if we were smokers. It was explained that we would get a pouch of tobacco and papers etc if we were and we would pay it back later. Now I wasn’t a fulltime smoker at this point of my life but I jumped straight on that bandwagon. Cigarettes, yes please!!!!

I was taken to my pod and shown to my cell, there was another inmate already there. He would be my cellmate for that night. I introduced myself and exchanged some small talk. I put my stuff on my bunk and sat down.
Looking around my cell I was shocked at the conditions, the walls and floor were filthy… Even for what I would think a jail cell would be like. Cockroaches scurried around the place. The walls were grey and had a black plastic strip that I guess acted like skirting, that looked like it was covered in all sorts of bodily fluids. The bunks were on one side and the toilet on the other with a desk and chair next to it.
We sat and didn’t say much to one another at first. Mostly complaining about how long it was taking to get food and cigarettes.
Both did eventually come and once again dinner was “something” swimming in warmed water. I remember stuffing my face I was so hungry by this point.
Getting food and ciggies seemed to raise our spirits a bit. Seeing as I’d never smoked rollies before I needed help rolling my cigarettes. At first I tried doing it on my own and failed miserably. Basically rolling them so loose they would fall apart… Eventually my cellmate offered some assistance, fuck yeah finally some kind of vice! Ahhh sweet sweet cancer stick.

We didn’t talk about much, mostly “why are you in here?” etc. He mentioned the remand pods were usually way more disgusting then the actual fulltime inmate pods. He had been to jail before but seemed quite uninterested in knowing anything about me. But some kind of human connection was somewhat of a relief.

Pretty soon it would be lights out and I climbed up onto my bunk, I laid on my back watching cock roaches run across the ceiling seeing them drop to the floor about the place, as I gazed around reading the graffiti on the walls. I wondered how my family and friends were doing and if/when I would be able to see/talk to them. No one was able to give me an answer at this stage, but they said once I’m into an actual pod I would be able to get a phone call.
(I don’t know if I have explained what a pod is yet but basically it is what it sounds like. One big cell full of many smaller cells.)
The lights suddenly flick off and it is dark. All I can think about is the cockroaches and I roll over and pull the blanket up over my head. I began to cry for the first time since being imprisoned. My heart ached as I lay there in disbelief of what had happened, that only days ago I was just a teenager living a teenage life, surrounded by people I love and now I was alone in an alien environment with no one. No understanding of the rules of this place, no knowledge of this world at all.
I cried myself to sleep that night, trying all the while not to make noise so that my cellmate wouldn’t hear.

I awoke the next day to my cellmate saying that I had to get up for muster, again I woke up expecting to be at home in my bed but I think the cry the night before had finally been the release I needed, I didn’t feel like a stunned mullet anymore, I think I was no longer in shock.
I remembered something being said the previous day about muster but didn’t really get what they were on about. Anyway it’s basically like roll call. And it’s at 7am… fucking great!
I walked out into the pod hall/room kinda area. There were a bunch of other prisoners. Some looking super angry, some in despair, some just strung out as fuck.
I didn’t talk to anyone; my cellmate seemed to know a couple of people. Is there some club I’m not aware of here?
We lined up and our names were called, once that was all over we were able to get breakfast and make tea/coffee etc. There was cereal and toast for breakfast again it was nice to eat something that didn’t taste like it had been frozen for the last 50 years. I kept to myself and just sat at a table and read a magazine.
Pretty quickly that day the guards came and got me. I had been allocated to a proper pod and I would be moved there that day but not without first strip-searching me again. At this point I’m thinking they just like seeing guys naked…

Links-

Part 1: https://steemit.com/blog/@benfenson/painted-prison-walls-part-one-understanding-in-a-car-crash

Part 2: https://steemit.com/life/@benfenson/painted-prison-walls-part-2-the-slow-beast-of-injustice

Link to my blog post: https://byodiversity.wordpress.com/2018/05/02/painted-prison-walls-3/