Caught Unaware

Not so sure if the title has anything to do with this post but maybe it does to an extent. Well, I was caught unaware doing something not doing something. No, I was caught unprepared for something but “caught unaware”seems to fit in perfectly.

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So, a friend of mine invited me over to her church about a week ago for a Sunday service and while the service was going on, I was pressed and needed to use the restroom, so I walked out and headed to the restroom which I wasn't so sure where it really was but I knew from my friends description that it was detached from the main church's building or so I thought. I later found out that there was one connected to the church building and that was the one she was describing guess I should have asked the usher instead.

As I walked, trying to wiggle my way around, I saw a lady whom I decided to ask for direction, she gave me the directions but her description needed me to walk back to where I was coming from (just a few steps actually but I thought turning back would be a bit awkward) and from my “calculation” and understanding of her description, I could pass through the path that was just in front of me. So, I decided to ask if that would lead me there too and she said “yes”.

The route I chose needed me to walk past a children’s Sunday school class and I had no issues with that. The kids were done with their classes but most of them were out there still waiting for their parents to close from the main church. So, they were out there waiting and playing… I guess their teacher had joined in for the main service because he didn't seem to be there.

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So, as I pass in front of the classes, somewhat immersed in my thoughts, and a bit oblivious to what was going on around me, I heard someone call out “Aunty, Aunty”, (it is quite normal to call older people Aunty/uncle around here). I was somewhat sure it was me but at the same time not sure because I really don't see myself as an “ Aunty figure” here so I turned to see if there was someone coming behind me but there was no one, the little girl called out again and that was when I realized that she had a friend with her who happened to be crying.

I was about to ask what happened and why the friend was crying but before I could, she had already told me. “It is that boy that beat her up”, she said. What boy? I asked. There, the guy coming out from the class seems like someone went in to call him out.

I had no idea how to settle the case, I have played with kids, I love to spend time with kids but I have no idea how to settle fights or quarrels amongst them. “What does this girl want me to do (the confidence in which she called me with scared me, to be honest and the trust she seemed to have in me wanted me to do something, whatever that things is), what prompted the guy to hit his supposed friend (or maybe church classmate?) Etc.” Different stuff kept going through my mind.

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Well, I decided to walk down memory lane and recall how fights similar to this were being settled between my friends and I but that wasn't helpful either. Didn't seem like the girl with tears in her eyes was willing to do that neither did the boy that seems to have a hint of ego (or maybe my misconception). Plus I wasn't about becoming a clown in a church that I was supposed to be visiting

How were the fights settled then? Okay, so the two (or more) kids that fought are “forced” to reluctantly say some sweet words and apologize to each other, high-five each other, hit their butts together (like a butt kiss?) and hug each other. 🤣

Now, that didn't seem like something that will be helpful, right? And that form of reconciliation was never sincere from the kids’ parts, we just do it to avoid being punished and we sort ourselves out later. Now, reconciliation shouldn't even be the first step

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So, I knelt in front of the little crying girl, hugged her and tried to calm her down, which sorta helped but it seemed like that wasn't all that her friend wanted, she seems to want the boy punished. She walked towards him, attempting to make him walk faster. It was then that I began to see why the lady told me to go the other way.

She brought the boy closer with his friends behind him too, two friends actually. Still holding the girl's hand, I gently asked why he had to “beat” his classmate up, the kids should be around 6-8yrs old. He said he didn't beat her up but his friend and his other answers after that gave him away. So, apparently, the girl was on the window and according to the boy, if she falls, the teacher is gonna come punish him. Was he supposed to be the guide and protector of the class?🤔

I tried talking to the boy, explaining that there is no way he could sort things out by hitting people he seems stronger than and he said “she is too stubborn”. Well, I told him to let her fall first next time and that would be better or if he loves her so much, then he should go call the teacher if she doesn't listen to him. That's a better way out. Hitting people doesn't always reveal our strength even if it may appear that way at that point. I really don't know if he paid much attention or If I made much sense but well, I did my part.

I had to talk to the friend too which seemed to want more than just a “ talking Aunty”, she seemed to have wanted an action type of Aunty and I wasn't one. She seemed to have wanted Aunty to punish the boy but I had to explain that some punishment really isn't worth it, and seeing someone in some sort of discomfort shouldn’t bring about a feeling of victory, real victory comes from truly learning to forgive and let go.

Those kids taught me (reminded me for the most part) without even realizing. And to be honest, that was the highlight of my day or even week?🤔 That 10mins trip (or was it even up to that?) to the restroom was really an experience. And somehow, I had to learn again that more than the destination, is the thrill and lessons of the journey. I know, too many lessons for one day.

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After that encounter with those kids, I have read a few articles (more than I ever have. Okay, I have never) about dealing with fights amongst kids and really, I dunno if it's the ones I read but it seems most of them aren't one I could easily apply in such situations. Well, apart from teaching “relaxation and calming skill”. I sure did an awful job with them but at least the girl was able to calm down plus it made me wanna learn more on this topic.

Dealing with kids fighting can be quite tricky, we are most times caught between leaving the kids satisfied and sending the right message across. It really isn't an easy fit but then, kids are a really important part of us. One thing I want to always bear in mind is that when it comes to kids, its better when no one is seen as "right or wrong".

It was great to see how that little girl trusted that I could handle her friend’s case even though I knew I felt really incapable of doing much inside. It reminded that sometimes need to trust like kids most times, I often times forget that, really.

Most kids behaviors are shaped by us, the older ones they tend to spend time around most times and I believe it's up to us to help that learn certain things they need to walk through life. When a boy grows up understanding violence as the only way to sort out things, even when he is right, his act of violence covers that truth that lies in the message he is trying to convey. And really, it never pays to pay back.😊

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Have little ones around? How do you guys settle disputes or fights between them especially if one was hurt by the other?

Much Love — Audrey❤