When Declaring "No Hookups!" Makes You Lose Out In Life

in life •  9 days ago

In my Tinder adventures, I'd always come upon the declaration of, "No hookups!" stated clearly in some girl's profile.

Other variations include, "No ONS (one night stands)", "No FWBs (Friends with Benefits)" and "No flings."

And I find that highly ironic in the realm of modern dating.

I am not a female, so I can only surmise to why girls all around put up these declarations. From what I know, they've either been hurt badly before by a douchebag who toyed with their feelings or they've sincere intentions of wanting to find a serious relationship from the get-go.

But when such a declaration is made, you're making it clear to the world that you're set out to lose.

This is how I see it.


You're ignoring the humanly fact that attraction is not a choice

This is a rule. It's hard and fast. It's a foundation to dating, relationships and love. It's a fact and it's something you can't ever deny.

Why? Because it's something you feel and attraction is what you feel.

How often has it been that you feel a sense of attraction to somebody you thought isn't your type?

You guys have nothing in common, but there's attraction.

You guys have don't live in the same country, but there's attraction.

He or she looks far from the usual type you're attracted to, but for some reason, there's attraction.

Whatever it is, ultimately, you feel what you feel. Love it, hate it or try to rationalize it, you feel it anyway.

If you make the no-hookup declaration early, you could be setting yourself up to deny feelings you know deep down exist within.

So why deny? Why not express? 

Okay sure, you may argue that you're using your head to challenge your feelings due to bad, past experiences to protect yourself, but at the end of the day, it's solely up to you to whether you want to give yourself a chance or to bury those feelings.

And can it not be argued that regretting from trying is better than regretting from not trying?


You're ignoring the fact that all relationships start with friendship

If you want to have a romantic relationship with somebody, you must start with friendship.

I really don't care if it was love at sight, it was perfect chemistry at first or if it's somebody you're attracted to for seemingly no reason.

If you want a fighting chance to even dip your toe in the romance pool, then you're going to have treat each other as equals being friends. You're going to have to chill out, have fun and get to know each other first.

Otherwise, you're jumping the gun by wanting to fall in love too quickly.

Now, flip it around: You're jumping the gun by making declarations of no-hookups and what not as you deny yourself and the other party's chance of something to actually start developing.

In other words, you're judging. And how is that honestly going to help give you a chance at literally any type of relationship?

I personally chat with everyone I encounter online as friends first more than anything. I am a straight dude. Of course, I wouldn't mind hooking up with a beautiful girl, but if it doesn't happen, it's all good. We can just be friends and perhaps that friendship could develop into a special bond. 

And indeed, I've found hookups, real friends and potential partners with girls I least expected.


You're denying how powerful you are as a sexual being

Girls have the right to hookup. Period.

You're all powerful, sexual beings with beautiful physical features. That is a given for every, single one of you in spite of where you're from.

I had a chat with @sweetsssj she was the one who brilliantly brought up this point. 

It is absolutely not taboo for ladies to have physical wants and needs. In other words, just because you are not a man doesn't mean you can't enjoy these pleasures.

Furthermore, a point which I feel is very ironic is that girls who make the no-hookup declaration want to tell the world that they're not easy; not sluts, but isn't the declaration alone implying that you're fundamentally, as a female prone to such tendencies?

Maybe it's time to stop making declarations and simply take action the right way instead. 


You're could unknowingly be coming across as a total bitch

I personally feel that this is a side effect many no-hookup girls suffer from and they don't even realize it.

Time and time again, I'd encounter such a girl and they're mostly extremely sensitive creatures who get offended by the most minor of things, or words. Then they'd insinuate that I am douchebag belittling them as objects of desire. Then they'd insult me even. 

And I didn't even have to try (get it?)

It's one thing to stand up for your beliefs and protect yourself. 

It's another to be overly-defensive and hostile. When you're the former, you're the latter. They come together.

If you're this unfriendly, forget about anyone wanting to be around you, much less finding a potential partner.


So these are my thoughts on the state of modern dating for some people

With emotions involved, dating is without a doubt, tricky. It's how you balance it out to find the sweet spot for you and the people around you.

And that sweet spot is about standing firm in your beliefs and finding people who believe the same.

Some of you will definitely disagree with me, but that's fine by me.

I have met beautiful, strong women who agrees with everything I say. I don't even need guys to believe in me.

Now why would I want to even talk to someone who doesn't?

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love the open-mindedness. this girl said to me i rather be alone than hooking up and i just said "i don't mind i got to experience it before i make up my mind"

Such a great post. Keep writing and carry on.

This post has received a 13.66 % upvote from @sneaky-ninja thanks to: @aldentan.