This Shit Called Life: Falling in love in the most random of places. And people are still asking me why I'm dating her like it's an experiment gone wrong.
Well, I guess it's about time I push my exes out of the limelight and actually talk about shit that matters now.
My girlfriend. Yeah, I have a girlfriend and I'm totally in love with her. And guess what? She's not local. She's Thai, and she doesn't live in the same country as me. I only get to see her once a month.
The way we met, the way we trail blazed this relationship was just crazy, but I guess that's why we're so in love.
Keep in mind a previous chapter about Thai Discos, where Thai girls are stereotyped as fuck. Keep in mind also when I met my girlfriend for the first time, I was in my all-out singlehood mode where I just wanted to keep partying and meeting hot girls until I died.
And I was doing that. A lot. I met Apple in a club in Bangkok a couple of years ago. I was there with a bunch of friends to party it out and have fun like how a bunch of young, handsome and active 26 year-olds would.
So we were in a club, a pretty sleazy one at that. I was already kind of drunk from the whiskey we ordered. I don't like getting drunk, but it was Bangkok, baby! Bangkok is the carnival of South East Asia. It's that fun. And girls are easy to approach. They're super friendly and not bitchy at all. Really, go ahead and talk to any one of them. Even if they aren't receptive towards your hitting on them, they'd be nice and friendly about it. It's a far cry from the girls you meet in Singapore, where they would stare you down as if you were uglier and dirtier than a hobbit.
Since I was pretty buzzed and happy, I just talked to the girl beside me. It was Apple. We chatted. We hit it off. I did my whole, "Hey I'm a Bboy" and took-out-my-phone-and-showed-videos-of-my-dance-moves deal. It's the 21st century, baby. Show your dance moves with technology. Show your real moves only in bed.
It may sound like a typical, pickup scenario, but what made it all the more exciting was that my friends disappeared suddenly. They wanted to go eat and head back to the hotel. I was like, "Nah! I'm staying!". And there I was, alone in a foreign land with a girl I just met.
And that made me excited as fuck!
Then I sent Apple back to her apartment which, to me, looked like it was at the darker side of the foreign land. In the cab, I was like thinking, "Oh shit, oh shit, how am I going to get back to the hotel." I was really prepared to get lost and sleep on the streets of Bangkok. I wondered if I was going to get mugged and die.
When we reached her place, surprisingly, she asked me if I wanted to go up. My mouth was like," Oh, okay, sure." My mind was like, "Fuck yeah!!!!".
It was kind of awkward in her room at first. Apple was showering and stuff. I was just sitting down on her bed. All I could think of was, "I'm here alone in some girl's apartment. I barely know her. All my friends are... I don't know where the fuck they are... What's going to happen now? But shit! THIS IS THE MOST EXCITING TIME OF MY LIFE".
I was really happy and excited, if you couldn't tell by now.
What happened next? We didn't have sex. Nope. Not at all. I know you're assuming that, but sorry to disappoint. We didn't. This is important. I was also staying in Bangkok for like four more days and she spent every, single day with me. She took me around, to obscure Bangkok places I've never been to before. It was one of the best times of my life.
When I had to fly back home to Singapore, I was pretty sad. I wondered how and when I would get to see Apple again. This whole event took place in February that year and we did not get into a relationship before we parted.
Things kind of turned to shit from there on. All forms of following up and communication were bad. Her messages were short and dubious. I missed some of her calls because I was asleep and when I called back, she was either busy or didn't pick up at all. On her Facebook wall, there were random, fucking losers writing shit on her wall. There was even some Singaporean dude who was writing random Thai slang in an attempt to be cute with her. He looked retarded. And she kept "liking" whatever these dudes posted on her wall.
Yeah, I was jealous. I really liked her. I didn't know what to say or think. Was she playing me? Did nothing mean anything to her? Why aren't we talking much? And how do I go about this? Do I really want to get into a relationship?
Then one day, she deleted me off Facebook. Just like that, she was gone. That was in March.
I was sad, but I decided to fuck it and not let it bother me. I did keep wondering what was up with her though. Then in June, she added me back. We chatted a little, but it just wasn't the same.
Then we got together in July. Long story short, I went to Bangkok with some friends. I decided to meet Apple again, for the fun of it. All the feelings of February came back. We were happy. I was happy and excited as fuck again. And we decided to take the leap and get together.
Funny story eh? Looking at it, it's easy to think the romance was weird, ambiguous at best. It was epic, but it was controversial-epic. It can read like a fairytale, but unlike reading, it doesn't feel super awesome all the time. I personally think that love shouldn't be so hard, as in you shouldn't have to bust your balls and be totally stressed out just because of somebody else. That's why I don't respect guys who put in so much effort for some girl and then take forever just to get together.
Yet, somehow, in love, you just got to have faith and do what your heart wants.
Even after me and Apple got together, it was challenging.
I had a lot of people laughing at me.
People doubted the plausibility of a long distance relationship, "What? Come on, man. Long distance never works."
People doubted me as a boyfriend, "YOU? Come on, Alden. You're just going to get sick of her because you're going to fall for other girls".
One time, a friend's girlfriend said, blatantly, to my face, "I give you three months".
And the Stupidest Question Award, which perfectly encapsulates doubt in relationships, love and unfortunately, racism is, "Why are you dating a Thai girl?".
I get this all the time, especially from girls. They ask it in such earnestness that it blows my mind that people can be this ignorant and racist at the same time. I was even woken up with a, "Omg Alden! You're dating a 555!" text at like four in the morning once.
Oh, "555" is a blunt reference to Thai girls. The number "5" is pronounced as "Ha" in Thai, so they like to type "555" to show that they're laughing. Type, mind you, not say. Whoever literally laughs by saying "five-five-five!!!" deserves to be shot.
So yeah, my epic love story was constantly shot down by others. But it's too bad. I can never find a fuck to give.
I think in love, you need to take a couple of leaps of faith. You got to follow your heart and do what you really want to do. You absolutely need to stop questioning the nature of things and silently listen to your heart. I could have kept asking Apple shit like, "Oh what happened to those losers on your Facebook wall? Did you date them?" or even, "When I'm Singapore and you send me a picture of you and your friends, are you really there with your friends or are you sending me backdated shit to appease me?".
It can go on and on. But nah. You need to stop questioning. Once you go down that rabbit hole, more and more questions will keep coming up. It's fucking endless. I personally believe that ignorance is part of trust, period. You can never be by your partner's side 24/7. If you see a need to be with him or her all the time, it's time to look in the mirror yo. It's time to let loose those insecurities.
As a good friend put it straight to me once, "She's overseas? That's totally fine. It's normal. Even if she's here in Singapore with you, she can still have a lunchtime quickie at her workplace".
Well said if you ask me. Stop questioning. It'd just be torturous. If your partner wants to fuck it up and cheat on you, it will happen. You can't stop the douchebag in a dude, nor can you stop the slut in a girl. You probably can't stop the whatever that is lurking in you even.
The second leap of faith is to simply stop listening to what others have to say. You need to give zero fucks to the naysayers; the critics and the unhappy. Why? Because that's all they do, which is to bring others down. Your heart knows best. It always does. Everybody deserves love, and it's stupid to deprive yourself of that just because of others' points of view. Ignore even your mom's opinion.
Apple and I are now going 20 months. She has met my mom and my entire extended family. We've been seeing each other once a month only the whole time, and I fucking love the arrangement because I love my space. Sure, I miss her. I cry almost every time we part ways at the airport. But we've grown and matured during the course of the relationship. We know it's going to be all good.
We plan to get married.
Life is short, man. Enjoy it. You don't got to find love. Just do what you love, believe in yourself and the one will come. Maybe he or she won’t come in a nicely, wrapped package, but as long as you silence your mind and do what your heart wants, it's going to be all good.
Oh and you know what helped me cleanse some of my doubts? My sleazy, Thai-loving friends, the ones who frequent Thai discos. Though they spend a lot of time and money on alcohol and Thai girls, they understand. They understand what I love and had to go through. Ironically so, they have zero stereotypes towards Thai people. Why would they have any?
I was amused. Love and support came from the most unlikely people and places. This shit called life rocks! Drink up bitches!
Unfortunately or fortunately, we broke up a few years ago :)
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Yeah. Life is short. Moving on man!
Very sorry for you, she will come back if you still love her. Nice post
What an interesting story this is having a relationship with a Thai girl. I am amazed that you didn't have sex with her. You are different from the rest of the man out there. Haha! Upvoted!
Yeah Life short moving on man nice post