On shouting matches, dog biting and using anger as a way to dominate
So this just literally happened in the morning when I was taking Rocky out for a walk:
Rocky nipped the back pocket of the security guard who works at my compound. He just happened to be walking by and Rocky being the curious, playful dog that he is, decided to go near him. For some reason today, he nipped the dude's pocket. That's a first ever I've seen.
For the record, it wasn't a bite. If it was a real bite, Rocky would have ripped his pants and made him bleed.
The guard got upset.
I apologized of course.
The guard then asked for my block and unit number. I complied.
I asked him then why he needed it. He turned around and walked away, completely ignoring me.
I was pissed.
A while later, I went back to his workstation and asked why he ignored me.
He basically evaded my question, saying how he simply wanted to warn his colleagues that I had a "fierce dog."
I said that was fine, but why did you ignore me? Why is it security gets to ask me shit, but as a resident, I can't get answers from you?
Slowly but surely, things got heated. I lost it. I started shouting at him for trying to be elusive.
He once even said that it wasn't the real issue, but that I should have handled Rocky better.
I persisted angrily.
Long story short, we brought it to the administration office. I explained my perspective to the younger dude there, who fully understood everything.
He apologized on the guard's behalf and said he hope I accepted it.
I said of course I would. I said my sorrys for being a hothead and that without a doubt, Rocky sparked the whole incident, but I persisted on the fact that no guard should be treating their resident like that.
I went off. The matter was solved.
In hindsight, what really got to me the most was that this particular security guard thought he could get away with it simply by being who he was.
Since I've moved in to this estate, he was by far the most unfriendly guard. The other guards were cool, always smiling, greeting, waving and exchanging friendly banter.
I am not here to change his character, but I just wasn't cool with the idea that a typical aloof, grouchy old fart think that he could get away with it just because that's his personality.
It also further grinds my gears that others would typically willingly let him off the hook just like that, with reasons pertaining to how he's old or simply because he is of that character type.
Where is the real justice then?
By that logic, shouldn't I be allowed to get away with shit just because I am a hothead?
It then occurred to me then that I do the same too.
It's really easy to give in to the enticing feelings of empowerment and strength anger provide.
It's easy to think that you're allowed to feel that way just because you're angry.
It's easy to think that you can get away with shit just because you're angry.
It's easy to think that rage helps you to grow, but really, it doesn't.
In my own personal journey in dealing with my anger issues, I mistakenly thought rage was a way to dominate and win over others.
It may feel so, but it honestly doesn't amount to anything.
It only makes you look stupid and shameful. An elderly couple at the pool nearby certainly had a show to watch just now.
Anger however, is natural. It's good even as you use it as a force of inspiration to make a change.
But rage isn't cool. Period.
Moving away from the extreme end of the spectrum, being aloof, grouchy, old, broody and just plain negative isn't really that cool either, especially when you use it as an excuse to not want to change and grow as a person.
Ultimately, it's hard as fuck.
But calm down.
Chill.
And let it fucking go.
At least, let some of it go first before you try to deal with a problem.
Here's Rocky knocked out on my bed.
I am sorry you had to see that today boy. Please know that I'll never blame you when it comes to the intricacies of the fucked-upness us humans bring along with our emotions.
Dude, this is dope.
I was getting ready to reply that there’s no need to apologize - that you shouldn’t have necessarily made yourself wrong for losing your cool if he was being a dick, and that sometimes people need that type of blunt feedback to realize what effect they’re have on others.
And then, BAM.
Unexpected curveball.
(“It occurred to me that I do the same too...”)
Twisting around and humbling yourself to proceed as you did from there... beautiful plot twist.
Gloriously executed. 😎
Glorious
Thanks man.
But yeah, it'd have ultimately been "My cool lost" versus "Being 'bitten'"
He'd have a stronger case in some sense.
I guess I was shout at a lot of others things in life, like... why did this shit have to happen in the first place?!
Oh well. Life. Thanks for commenting man.
Interesting. I really enjoyed this. I had mixed feelings ...
1st. If you have a big dog it is your job to keep his mouth off of things. I know that while you state the dog didn't hurt the man. Not many people want a big intimidating dog's mouth on the ass and the distinction between a nip and a bite is in the eye of the receiver. I think the guy was perfectly in his right to be annoyed and possibly dismissive with you.
I love that you sorted it all out and saw yourself in it. Others have commented that as well. Great article I enjoyed reading it.
Thank you.
Yes I know. There's no way I'd have been able to escape the fact that I totally fucked up there with Rocky. The responsibility was mine and I shouldn't have been complacent.
I gotta say though, I did use my anger to try to dominate to protect Rocky.
I am fostering him for now. I was actually afraid that the guard would make it an issue to the point that I had to get rid of him or something.
Also, I wouldn't call Rocky a big dog. He's just a Mongrel, medium-sized at most to me. German Shepherds and Huskies are the giants.
But oh well, I guess that wouldn't matter at all to those being attacked, bitten or who generally dislike animals.
lol, my cat once bit a child and he had to go to the ER. I don't know why I shared that. I guess it is a comment about the size part.
Anyway, he might fear dogs or have been bitten before. I loved your perspective, but sadly we can't get his view of exactly what happened.
I think people who can look at a situation afterward and see a different side or challenge their own view are people who are always improving.
Lol. Which part did the cat bite?!
Yeah perhaps so. But to be judgey here, it's like I said, he's the most unfriendly guard in the estate.
If it was one of the other guards, I'd have apologized profusely and even make amends after.
But this dude? It's just... I don't know, you come across as so unfriendly all the time, you speak up only when you want to deal with a problem that's about you, but when others have a problem, you ignore and walk away.
Not cool. At this point, I can't say I really care if you have an innate fear of dogs or whatever. If you only come to life when it's about you and ignore others when it's about them, that's just plain selfish.
Awesome sentiment and after thought rationale.
Thanks man
Kudos on taking ownership and responsibility for your own shit. Security guy does sound like a bit of a dick but that's pretty much incidental in the end isn't it?
Yeah. I just lost my cool.
Kudos on taking ownership and responsibility for your own shit. Security guy does sound like a bit of a dick but that's pretty much incidental in the end isn't it?