BULLYING, IS IT THE PARENTS FAULT?
Do you spank your kids?
Were you spanked as a child? If so then you may think that it is a good way to guide your childs growth. Do you know that adults that were not spanked as a child don't spank their kids, it just feels wrong to them.
See I was spanked as a child. Yes it worked and I turned out fine but is that the normal? See at the age of around 10, I realized that spanking wasn't really teaching me anything other than how to spank my kids. Good example I can remember the first D I made on a report card as a child, man My father spanked me like never before, but guess what, I didn't need a spanking, I needed some one to sit down with me and study, maybe teach me how to study better. Spanking me for a bad grade was an easy way out.
I belived that spanking was the turning point for me, I told myself at that time that I would never spank my children. I would spend the time needed to train and teach them to do the right thing.
Does spanking produce bullies?
Do you know that kids that are spanked are more likely to hit other kids and peers, than children who where not spanked.( Boy this is going to get touchy) So with this being a fact are we as parents producing bullies? That's a tough question to swallow. But being a parent that does not spank, I am 90% for sure that none of my kids have ever bullied anyone. Now what I can tell you is this. My brother was 2 years older than I am. He was spanked as a child just like me. And all through Jr and High school I witness him bullying other kids, so you tell me.
We can't ignore the FACT that kids who are spanked are more likely to hit other kids.
Lets take this a little deeper.
Kids who are spanked are more likely to abuse their spouse!
Now I got some attention, but this is a fact. Kids who are spanked are more likely to hit their spouse. Now by no means am I saying that everyone that was spanked as a child hits their spouse, I am proof that that is not true but what is true is that they are more likely to then Kids who were not spanked.
What's the solution?
To be honest with you I don't know, but what I do know is this, spanking is not the best way to teach and train your children. FACTS prove that spanking will increase the chances of the three topics above. I think children need time and attention from parents, I also believe that you can get your point across to children with out being physical with them. It just takes more effort from you the adult, it takes more discipline from you.
So I will leave you with this, I am not telling you how to raise your kids, thats your job. What I am asking you to do is ask yourself is this the best way to discipline your child.
We have to stop bullying and if this is the 1st step then I am willing to put it out there..
follow me @raybrockman
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Ooh deep one this time. I hate bullies but I'm sad to admit I did a little bit of it myself growing up. I thought if I showed my friends I was tough they'd accept me when Infact I was bullying others because I had problems with myself.. which is really fucked up. When I realised how I could be hurting others I stopped and now I fight bullying as much as i can. I was spanked and I'm not against it, I wouldn't learn from conventional punishment, u could talk till u were blue in the face it wouldn't matter, u could take all my toys I wouldn't care, but if I thought my actions would result in my dad spanking me I definitely wouldn't want to go down that road! I dont plan on having kids but if I did I would hope talking to them would get them to behave, but if that didn't work I'd probably go with the good old fashioned spanking. Often times it wasn't the slaps on the ass that hurt me, it was the fact my dad was that upset with my behavior that I ended up in that situation.
Brother I hear you it seems like you and your father had a decent relationship seeing is, how he felt is what had a toll on you. But I am afraid that most people are using spanking as a time saver, instead if actualy spending the time that kids require. Thanks for stopping by.
Man this is definitely a touchy subject! I think you hit the nail on the head though. There definitely needs to be some blame placed on the parents to some extent. Children need to be disciplined, but it seems there are better ways of going about this rather than spanking them!
I agree, thanks buddy
I am grateful to god that my parents did not spank me and I will carry this legacy for my kids too.....I feel good after reading ur article...
Thank you so much..@raybrockman
After reading your article, I realized how happy I am that my parents did not spank me. Now I know for sure that I will not spank my son. Thank you. Good luck to you and good.
The problem is, it's not always the parents' fault. My step son has had run-ins at school for bullying. We don't spank the kids, neither of us, nor does their mother nor her partner. We have spoken about the importance of respecting others.
The problem with my step-son is low self-esteem. For some reason, he is constantly putting himself down, he feels easily intimidated by those who are better than him or a bit older than him and he resorts to bullying. It's not at a severe extreme, and we sure hope it never gets there. We've sat down with him to discuss why this happens.
Perhaps as the second child, he felt compelled to listen to his older sister. She tries to encourage him to not be afraid just because bigger kids are around, like at the skating rink or skate park.
My husband and I were both bullied as kids and teens, and I, as an adult, was abused by an ex boyfriend. The kids know that such behaviour can cause trauma to a person. They are sensitive.
I think that since my step son has trouble dealing with his own inner issues, he takes it out on others to try to feel less down. We encourage him to express himself, all his feelings.
Recently, he had a run-in with an Autistic child in school. We still need to meet with the principle, so we will learn more soon, but we spoke to him about it. My brother is Asperger's, and my step son has always shown the utmost respect towards him. How would he feel if he saw someone being mean with my bro? He said he'd want to defend him. So why can't he show that same respect to the kid in class?
There is clearly something going on within causing him to act out towards others. At home, he is so sweet, but continuously puts himself down and is afraid of being ridiculed by others. We are addressing this and are considering alternative methods, like EFT or other forms of therapy.
Question for anyone reading this, do you believe that unhealed wounds within us can, through our energy, latch on to our loved ones and affect them? Because I have still unhealed wounds that I work on every day and perhaps he is picking up those feelings. If that's the case, then it's an empathy issue and we need to figure out how to create a healthy boundary that will allow him to differenciate empathic emotions from his emotions.
Anyway, all to say that sometimes, it goes beyond how we raise children and the reasons can be bigger than we think.
Hopefully I will raise my son to be respectful and kind. I will try to teach him right from wrong, but inevitably he will probably step out of line.
Now I was never "spanked" but I do remember how much of a little shit I used to be and that a slipper was sometimes whipped across my butt cheeks if I didn't make it up the stairs quicker than my mum/dad could get theirs off. I knew my place but always tried to push the boundaries.
I will be patient with my son, I will talk to him, try to educate him but sometimes that's not enough. I AM NOT ADVOCATING EVER HITTING YOUR CHILD (triple underline the ever) but sometimes a telling off isn't sufficient.
Would you class a "tap" on the back of the wrist for running out in to the middle of the road as spanking?? Or is this sometime the only way to get kids to listen??
Touch wood, I've only ever had to verbally tell him off so far. Usually the tone of my voice is enough to get him to stop. He's only 2, so a long way to go yet.
Great little blog and I'm sure it will stir up some more debate.
I think some situations children's guilty and some situations parents .
Wow its very interesting blog @raybrockman thanks for sharing.
@raybrockman. Interesting subject. I agree with you. Abuse at home is a cause of bulling.
Have a nice day
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