From 20 to 40 (years)! What I know today and didn’t then!
From 20’s to 40’s, a parallel from being young to… “not so young” anymore.
At 20 the mornings looked simple, beautiful, intense, or just banal. At 20 all things seemed so simple, seemed to last forever. I had tones of questions and I sincerely believed that I’ve got all the time in the world to find answers to each of them. There were always a "today”, a "tomorrow” or “next year”. It didn’t really matter to me, it was just an endless future. 40 years old seemed to me such a distant time, such a distant place. A place for the mature mens and womens. A place full with a different kind of people – strange people, way too serious and way too busy with their lives. It looked like a very uncommon place for me.
Yet… somehow, I managed to find myself in such a place. It’s time now that other peoples “in their 20’s” to find me a “mature person”, “too serious” and of course… “a strange man”.
At 20 everything was so young and vivid and allowed. Every experience was permitted and justified. At 40 I know that there are experiences that do not bring anything good to you.
At 40 I know that in fact you can never stop from searching whatever you are looking for. It doesn’t matter when you started. At 40 I know that it is very important to be authentic and that there is no point in forcing nothing upon yourself or onto the others, as each experience comes at the proper time and place. At 40 I know that tomorrow do not exists. Everything happens here and now. I know that every morning can also be my last.
I was born in a small but beautiful town, 180 km from Bucharest. I’ve traveled as much as possible in the world and I’ve meet all kind of people. I’ve observed and I’ve learned. In short: I lived, I loved and… I forgot!
Yet some experiences remained with me to this day. Some have broken my heart, others enriched me.
But all of them brings me here, today.
From Romania to England, to Belgium, to France, to USA or to Bulgaria, the words of J.J. Rousseau remain very truthfully: “Wherever I am on this earth… I’m home; wherever there are people… I’m among my brothers”.
At 20 I was fighting with life, but today I will stay face to face with her like two old friends who meet after 20 years to have a serious discussion.
At 20, I believed that all the people in my life will stay with me forever. Death was for me only an abstract idea. At 40, I know that life is just the little line between the year you’re born and the year you depart.
At 40 I know that truth can overcome the joy. I know that the way you tell a truth can make it either very relevant or very harmful.
At 20 I loved the absolute: it was all or nothing for me! At 20 I believed that fighting for the truth will change the world. I believed that all the people are beautiful, alive and immortals. Time was nonexistent. I had my own… “eternity”.
At 40 I know that life really begins when you start to live consciously. It is not necessary to change the world, it is just enough to change yourself. I know that people are not good or bad, but just a mix of those two. I know now that everyone is just fighting a battle with himself. I know that sometimes things are just very simple, that people are just the way they are. I learned to understand and to accept. I learned to be detached.
At 40 I know that I did not proof anything to anybody, but I still have a lot to live… and a lot to do. I learned that there is a time for everything. That some experiences are born, live and die at the right moment, and the ones that really matter to you, will remain with you forever.
At 20 a professor told me: “You are the world!” - At 40 I can only smile about that.
At 40 I know that there will be questions for which you will not be able to get answers… ever!!!
I know that I can be powerful and vulnerable at the same time. That I’m far from being perfect. In fact, I have over 100 defects and… I can say that with a smile.
But still, some things remained the same: at 40 I know that real love it is Immortal and Forever - at 20 I only believed that. At 40 I know that everything has a sense - at 20 I’ve also knew that but I didn’t really believed it.
At 40 I’m still offended by lies, treason and double faces. But I still have the idea that no matter what, I must remain alive and open for everything, yet humble in front of the Universe and that I will never give up to my last drop of “insanity”.
I realized that from my 20’s I still carry with me some joy, some passion, some humor and a lot of curiosity.
So… what I’ve lost?! I’ve lost some innocence, but at least… I can still remember it!