Daily Jokes from SydesJokes for 11th February 2018

in #jokes5 years ago

Joke 1

Count your age

SydesJokes Daily Digest

Original post: http://bit.ly/2DTfsKi

Joke 2

The only difference between a rut and a grave is the depth.

Joke 3

A shopper at the grocery store had written a check for her purchases and was waiting for the clerk to bag them. Instead, he asked the woman for identification, citing company policy.

The flustered shopper responded, "But I'm your mother!"

Joke 4

Q: What is the easiest way to figure out exactly when I got pregnant?
A: Have sex once a year.

Joke 5

The teacher in a Bible class asked a woman to read about the Israelites wandering in the desert.

"The Lord heard you when you wailed, 'If only we had meat to eat!'" she began. "Now the Lord will give you meat. You will not eat it for just one day, or two days, or five, or ten or twenty days, but for a month -- until you loathe it."

When the woman finished, she paused, looked up and said, "Hey, isn't that the Atkins diet?"

Joke 6

A famous admiral and an equally famous general were fishing together when a sudden squall came up. When it died down both eminent warriors were struggling helplessly in the water.

The admiral floundered his way back to the boat and pulled himself painfully in. Then he fished out the general, using an oar.

Catching his breath, he puffed: "Please don't say a word about this to anyone. If the Navy found I can't swim I'd be disgraced."

"Don't worry," the general said. "Your secret is safe. I'd hate to have my men find out I can't walk on water."

Joke 7

An old geezer in the old folks home took a fancy to an old lady who is also staying at the home. One day he gets up enough courage to tell her he wants to make love to her.

She agrees and suggests that when everyone else is gone for a day trip, they will stay behind and get to it.

He goes to her room on the day and asks her how she likes it.

She says, "I used to like it when a man went down on me."

He says he would love to and goes for it.

After about 30 seconds he comes back up and says, "I'm sorry. I afraid I just can't go on. It smells rotten down there."

She says, "It must be my arthritis."

He looks at her and says, "Surely you can't get arthritis down there. And even if you could, it wouldn't cause that horrible smell."

She says, "No, my arthritis is in my shoulder and I can't wipe my ass."

Joke 8

Q: Who says sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me?
A: A guy who has never been hit with a dictionary.

Charles Dickens

SydesJokes Daily Digest

Original post: http://bit.ly/2DT8LYS

Originally post at: https://sydesjokes.blogspot.com/2018/02/daily-jokes-from-sydesjokes-for-11-feb.html

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Thanks for sharing....

You made my day, hahahah

Count your life by smiles, not by tears. ♥

good humor, thanks

Jajajajaja el número 7 es muy bueno gracias por compartir!

Deep thinking from Joke #1

Hahahaha good jokes friend.

I've read better

Joke 2, very true! And yes I'm aware of the rhyme scheme

Nice...!!! Really funny

Hahaha, thank you for daily jokes!

Hahaha, very good

Good jokes... haha

few good ones haha

Lol with the number 4.😁

Charles Dickens 😍

Thumbs up to no-1

A loving heart is the truest wisdom :)

hahaha that was fun to read @sydesjokes

I absolutely love the John Lennon quote! So very true! All the jokes are great , but number 4 is out of this world hilarious! Again, this is so awesome and I love what you are doing! All the best my Friend! Positive Energy! Great Karma! Your Friend @extraterrestrial :)

One last reply on this post! The Charles Dickens quote really touched my heart! Positive Energy! Light and Love! Great Karma! Your Friend @extraterrestrial :)

nice jokes...

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