I'm Sorry, It's Not You, It's Me

That sounds ominous.

It's not meant to be that way.

Let me explain.

I love doing things together! I love all kind of initiatives! And I love chit-chat! I appreciate the invites, I appreciate the come ons, the come heres, the come withs. And I am grateful that Steemit has so warm and welcomy people in it. _{Sorry for my vulgar English language misuse. But I wanted to do that. So I did what Nike urges people to do: "Just do it."}

But.

There's always a butt. No, a but. And a butt also. Or an arse.

Where the f*ck do you guys get the time to do all this stuff you do? How is your entire existence possible?! Are you all just robots and I'm trying to keep up with someone who require no sleep, or never ever have to check or edit their writings?

So participating? Let me think... Someday I might, but now... I just can't.

If those things require me to: upvote the post, resteem, upvote the comments, join everywherehereandthere, send SDB, write my own text about the joining thing, fill few forms, recommend other users, be somewhere in the internet at a specific time and only then, use extra special tags as the first tag and only as the first tag, send invitations to people I know, wear the clothes you want me to wear, give my passport info, send my head shot, tattoo a text to my forehead, make somersaults and pirouettes at the same time, play MapleStory with my right hand and Warframe with my left although you have never heard of these games before, earn extra points if I can by playing Deep Rock Galactic with my nonexistent eyelashes, carve a wooden bicycle and use that to travel to an unknown remote Russian village where a babushka has to greet me with one arm on my head and one arm on my right shoulder and I have to learn how to say in Russian: "Why are the leaves purple in the summertime near the place we are not allowed to say out loud?" and I would get her blessing and get a bottle of vodka that does not have vodka in it but a map to middle earth, and I am ordered to travel through all the dangers and fetch a piece of the ancient rock that once belonged to one of the founders of the game called earth, that has a sphere game board and trillions and millions and billions of players called plants and animals (including humans) and amongst all of those players I am supposed to find that one factor that makes me and the group I should join invincible and unique, more unique than everyone else, forgetting the fact that no-one here is ultimately unique, we are all just more or less doppeldangers and spitting images of someone else that we may, or may have not met, but are constantly reminded about the fact that we really are't that unique, when time and time again someone says to us out there, for instance in the shop line: "OMG I'm so sorry, I thought you were someone else I know." or "Are you sure we don't know each other somewhere, you seem so familiar but I just can't pinpoint where I've met you?" and in the middle of all this I forget what I was doing, even though I've been constantly reminding myself about the purpose, because I didn't want to to sound rude and that's why I heard myself saying: "Okay, I'll take a look at it." when I should have said: "Thanks but for various reasons, no thanks."

I do understand! Some of the initiatives are the kind of things where you really do not need any lazy freeloaders, ridiculous monkeys with stupid ideas, scammers or spammers to hang around with you. So you have to get them to do various stuff. But that's not me. Perhaps one day, and with certain kind of things that I think are pretty cool or weird enough, but not today Satan, not today. Not this week. Or month.

I'm sorry.

It's not you, it's me.

So I'm sure you can find lots and lots of eager participants that are willing to give you their soul and kidneys and their first born.

I'm just here by accident and I haven't left yet because I'm still having fun. I'm inconstant, incoherent and unfocused. I refuse to concentrate and I don't want to be optimized. I may wonder life and it's quirkiness. But mostly I'm just doing funny and pointless things. Because I want to. So that I wouldn't kill myself.

Image: CC BY-SA 4.0 - gallery.insaneworks.fi

My hand. A tiny tiny tiny flower. Water droplets and broken glass done with Photoshop.