"It's a cruel world ", I heard you whispered in your head. You were thinking of any reasons why do you have to suffer with so many problems. Asking what wrong have you made? You're starting to blame yourself and all you could do is to cry a river. It was hopeless for you because every time you come up with an idea, everything seems useless in the end.
You want to feel comforted but not pitied because your pride is very important to you. You don't want people to look down on you. What you need is not someone who will be there because of pity but someone who will be there out of respect.
I actually think that you're only afraid to get hurt and that you are aware of your weakness, someone who pretends to be strong. I'm wondering, why were you so afraid to get hurt? Definitely it will bring pain, but what it will leave behind is an opportunity to discover how strong you are.
A comfortable life is all you were asking for, no worries, no hardships and no struggles, a life in which you don't have to worry about tomorrow and just live a happy life, one that can be called life.
As life continues for you, you have developed a lifeless routine. Your eyes were gloomy and they tell how miserable you are inside. It's easy to tell that you're suffering and even though you are trying to hide the pain, it only shows. That's how expressive your eyes are. They make you incapable to lie about what you feel.
As much as I want to help you, I am not the cure to your sufferings. Only you can solve your problems and help you. You were the only one who gave yourself a reason to feel ashamed. It was you who thought you can't make things right. You have existed in a world of depression for so long.
What can you do? The answer is within you and you just have to realize it. We are not given an obstacle if we cannot come up with a solution to overcome it. To tell you honestly, it's not that you are afraid to try one more time. It is because you doubt yourself whenever you make a decision. You were always thinking of what could go wrong. What if it's another failure? What if it's not worth the hustle? What if I made the wrong decision?
It's not bad to think ahead, but overthinking can make you hesitant. See what happened to you? You're asking me why others are so strong to stand for their purpose. It's because being strong is a choice. Not everyone can become strong and have the dedication to move further. I know it takes much courage but when will be the time for you to choose to be strong? Nothing will change if will not take chances.
"You never know how strong you are until being strong is the only choice you have." - Bob Marley
Fear not the rejection of others. Instead, be afraid of yourself rejecting you. It is absolutely disappointing to receive rejection from others but it is dangerous to see yourself starting to reject you. Doubt kills more happiness than loneliness and there are many who fall victim in the thinking of nothing good will happen.
If you were to judge yourself that way, don't you think you are just blaming yourself? It is not really how good you can be in your craft; it is how strong and how far you can go for your craft. It's actually us who are creating limits to ourselves. That's why they say, "You are your own competition ".
To be wiser is for the better. You can avoid doubt by starting to perceive things positively. Surrounding yourself with positive people can also help you think positively and have the opportunity to turn a bad situation into a great one.
If it's too hard for you to take on your dream, how do you think you can reach them? Is there a reason to feel shamed when things don't come into place? Why do you think we experience struggles in life?