Steem4nigeria Accelerator Contest Week 84: Dealing with Frenemies
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Based on the introduction given, define "frenemy" in your own words |
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Imagine a friend who's also either more or a little bit of a rival. I.e., A friend you get hang out with and even confide in, but then there always exists a bit of competition or tension in the air between you two, like they might be secretly jealous of your success or worse they are always trying to one-up you. Hence, it is like a friendship with a sort of rivalry, a bit of sweet and sour experience. That is what a "frienemy" is all about. A friend who is also a bit of a foe to you.
For example, let us assume you and your friend are trying out for the school play, and you both really want the lead role while also being very good friends. So you are both excited for each other, but secretly you are hoping to get the role yourself just like your friend.
This brings about a rivalry that you might not even be aware of as you feel your friendship is stronger, but then later on, your friend tries to steal your spotlight by trying to play a fast one on you to get an advantage. That is what we might call a frienemy situation. Because you are friends, but there is an undercurrent of competition.
Frienemies are people we consider as friends but come with a mix of friend and foe, which can lead to tension and jealousy. As much as such persons can be tricky to deal with, sometimes it is just a part of life, and sometimes we might even find that the rivalry pushes us to be better. However, it is important for us to be aware of the situation and set boundaries so that it doesn't become toxic since sometimes they are family members that we can just even cut off from.
Have you had any experience with such people who claim to be your friend, if yes, share with us? |
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I can't believe I'm even writing this, but my experience of frienemy came from the least expected person, a family member I do respect and look up to. First I didn't even realize it as things were getting weird. In my fondest memory, it all started when I got my phone, of which it was this very person who has been promising to buy for me for a long time, since I couldn't wait, I used my entire savings then and got myself this amazing phone, Redmi note 11, and he couldn't stop asking about it.
Then he went on to buy Redmi 12 for himself, on that very day, he called me to tell me he has bought a new phone which is better and more powerful than mine. He kept comparing mine to his new phone, saying how much better his was. At first, I just shrugged it off, but then when I checked the specifics, I told him his is no way better than mine, that in fact mine is an upgrade of his, few days later, he abandoned the Redmi 12 and went on to buy Redmi Note 12 since mine was Redmi Note 11.
Recently when I finally noticed something wasn't right, it was when I finally got a generator for myself, it was new by anyway, an old model tiger generator which I acquired from my father and modernized a thing or two as it was powerful enough to run the whole house.
That moment, his generator got faulty and being someone I respected, I borrowed him mine and he found out mine was way more powerful than his, so he got all comparing again, telling me that my generator was bigger than my house and that he is going to buy a new one for me and take mine and when I refused the offer, he got all angry that he even went to check for my particular model but a bigger one and when I couldn't afford the price he was told, he started comparing his to mine, and he was just trying to downplay my generator to make his seem better.
It was then I understood everything that I've got a frienemy and I don't know what's going on with him because I have not always been the one to get the better stuff, but it's like he's suddenly obsessed with comparing everything. I'm starting to feel like he is jealous of me, and it is really making me uncomfortable. Now, even though I don't want to be friends with someone who is constantly trying to one-up me, I can't because he is family. Maybe I should just tell him to stop, or maybe I should just distance myself from him. I just don't know what to do right now because I respect him so much, and this is so frustrating.
How can one guard ourselves against frenemies early enough before they harm us |
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Let us imagine a frenemy to be like a sneaky snake in the grass to which they might seem friendly at first, but they are secretly plotting to make you look bad or steal your joy. So how do you think we can guide ourselves against such friends, here is all I can think of;
Watch for double standards:
Do they get upset when you do something, but then do the same thing themselves without a second thought? That is a very big red flag.
Listen for backhanded compliments:
"Oh, you look great in that dress, but mine is far better than yours" This might be a frenemy trying to subtly make you feel insecure or less compared to him/her.
Pay attention to their body language:
Do they seem genuinely happy for you when you succeed, or do they roll their eyes and look bored?
Trust your gut:
If something feels off, it probably is. So just don't ignore your intuition.
If you notice these signs, don't be afraid to distance yourself from the frenemy, because it's better to be safe than sorry.
Who is a true friend and how can you identify one? |
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I can describe a true friend in so many ways, but my favorite is that a true friend is like a comfy, cozy blanket on a cold day, so they are there to wrap us in warmth and support, no matter what. We can be rest assured we have a true friend when we see our friends do things such as;
Celebrate our little wins: Like they are genuinely happy for us when we succeed even in the smallest victories, not minding if it means they are not the center of attention.
Being there for us through the tough times: A true friend is one who doesn't just disappear when things get hard, but is willing to offer a shoulder to cry on and help us through the rough patches.
Being honest, even when it's hard: Someone who is willing to tell you the truth, even when it hurts, because they really care about us and want what is best for us.
Making us feel good about ourselves: A true friend is someone who builds us up and not someone who tears us down. I.e., they are there to make us feel like we can be our authentic selves around them no matter what.
Being reliable: This is the best anyone can get, a friend who is there for us when we need them, and someone we can always count on to keep to their promises.
Indeed, it seems like a fairytale but then trust me, a true friend is like a precious diamond, very rare, but when you find one, you know how or what it feels like and will never want to let go.
I want to take this opportunity to invite @bonaventure24, @saintkelvin17 and @ruthjoe.
Thank You for your Time
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This your statement really got me and so I remember this one they say A Green Snake 🐍 in a Green Grass.
This statement comes with different meaning which the gaps between a Frenemy is not far From.
The always act like a good friend, a family but in one way of the other, they possess this weird attitude and jealousy that you'll start imagining how come.
I was curious most especially about a family member or relatives but thanks you were able to detect it and know how to plot your graph when you're with him.
Looking at those guide we should consider, I really appreciate your efforts and I commend it because I have found something learnable from it sir.
Good luck sir.
It sounds like you've been through a lot, and it's great that you're able to recognize those "green snake in the grass" situations. It's not easy to deal with people who act like friends but have hidden motives. It takes a lot of strength and awareness to see through that kind of facade. You're right, sometimes those closest to us can be the hardest to understand.
I'm glad my words resonated with you and helped you figure things out. It's important to protect ourselves and know who to trust. Thank you for your wonderful comment too, I very much appreciate.