What Does it Mean to Truly CARE About Something?
I find myself asking the question in the title of this post in the context of periodically having had the people in my life insist that I "just don't CARE" about one thing or another, and by extension therefor don't care about them.
When I hear such an assertion, it always "stings" a bit and makes me sit back for a moment to ponder the question of whether or not they are actually right.
But What IS "Caring?"
For me, it has always meant having a certain degree of interest in, and empathy for, another person's plight. In other words — to put it bluntly — it means giving a $hit.
But that is also where I sometimes part ways with people, because "caring" does not mean that I am require to crawl sown inside someone else's bottomless pit of worry and anxiety... and feel the same way as they. And that's ultimately where the who "you don't care" statement has its roots.
In fact, I usually do care quite a lot, but I just don't feel that I also should have to run around in a circle, like a chicken with my head cut off.
I can care, without necessarily seeing the world exactly the same as someone else.
Which brings me to an interesting fork in the road: So much of the strife and conflict we see in the world today seems centered on the fact that people "require" others to share their point of view... the classic are of "agreeing to disagree" seems to be on the endangered species list.
Which strikes me as a great shame.
I remember one of the earliest times I ran into the "you don't care" dilemma.
I was maybe 21, and a college student living in Austin, Texas. A young woman I was "sort of" starting to date asked me if I'd like to come along to her church for an informal service they were having.
I won't go into the details, but the long and the short of it is that a few days afterwards, the insisted that I evidently "didn't care" because I wasn't in an immediate hurry to adopt her version of religion.
I had nothing against her religion, but I already had my own... my converting to hers as a symbol of "caring" just didn't feel right.
Of course, that's just one simple example.
As far as I can tell, the real bottom line here isn't about caring, at all... it's more about manipulation of people. And that's definitely something I do not care about!
Thanks for reading, and have a great remainder of your week!
How about YOU? What do YOU think it means to "care?" Do you think some people use "caring" as a manipulation, rather than something sincere? Do leave a comment — share your experiences — be part of the conversation!
(All text and images by the author, unless otherwise credited. This is ORIGINAL CONTENT, created expressly for this platform — NOT A CROSSPOST!!!)
Created at 20221004 11:59 PDT
x470
In my opinion, you got it the right way by pointing to the difference between saying "I (don't) care" versus "you don't care".
Let's go on with not caring about such "you"-sentences which in many cases (maybe most cases) are manipulative.
Nevertheless it is also possible to manipulate other's feelings by "I (don't) care"-phrases. This should not be forgotten. Whenever someone utters his/her emotions, there is a temptation to letting be involveld and therefore being manipulated.
But! I want to stress the difference between clearly uttering one's feelings ("I regret you could not participate in the way I want to live my religion") versus hiding them in apparently objectively and soberly arguing ("I DO care in my religion / my spirituality!").
Last not least: in discussions and argumentations, one can nearly every utterance use for a hidden, intransparent, manipulating meaning. In the end, we only have the choice to not participate in such games.
Indeed... and this hints at the roots of why (in my opinion) there are so many fights and wars in the world: People experience their perceptions and opinions as absolute facts, rather than what they actually are... one person's opinion, based on their experience.
What sometimes saddens me is the way dialogue becomes something to be "won" or "lost," rather than merely an *exchange of information.
Thanks for your thoughtful comment!
I cannot but fully agree.
One point to add, possibly:
Exchange of information is in its pure sense a thing for machines, not for men - since we have and associate feelings and emotions with some informations in an other way as with some other informations. We dislike certain informations. So we can rarely avoid to try to "win" a discussion. We could - if we gave this point attention enough. But our emotions carry us away from this...
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At the moment, the manipulation thing has gone so far that even the people who are doing it no longer notice.... A kind of automatism born of a new understanding of the individual and society.
Yes, sadly there are a lot who are simply "pretending," and often just for selfish reasons. I'm not sure what sort of world we will end up with... I'm less concerned for myself than I am for our grandchildren...
This world is full of manipulators who only seek something for their own benefit, it is necessary to clean the minds and hearts of many people, in religion I can go to any different church but my way of thinking is mine, obvious respect!
Cheers!
Perhaps a good starting point in all this is simply knowing ourselves, and what we truly believe in and care about, on our individual level. It is impossible to control what others think and do... even though many try.
If it is possible to make an analogy about caring with the seed of a plant, which we carefully throw into the prepared soil, we await with trepidation the fragile thread of the emerging stem. Then planting in the soil, on an environment with frost, rain, harmful insects, hail. Weeding, treatment with protective chemicals is possible. And this is the morning when we see the flower. We took care of other life taking care of ourselves first of all. So much and so little
Wenn es möglich ist, eine Analogie zur Pflege mit dem Samen einer Pflanze anzustellen, den wir vorsichtig in die vorbereitete Erde werfen, erwarten wir mit Beklommenheit den zerbrechlichen Faden des aufstrebenden Stammes. Dann in den Boden pflanzen, in einer Umgebung mit Frost, Regen, schädlichen Insekten, Hagel. Jäten, Behandlung mit Schutzchemikalien ist möglich. Und dies ist der Morgen, an dem wir die Blume sehen. Wir haben uns um das andere Leben gekümmert, indem wir uns zuallererst um uns selbst gekümmert haben. So viel und so wenig
Yes, a very good analogy... and nice example of how something can be so small and yet so important, at the same time.