家庭的影响：负面的影响 The Influence of the Family: the Negative Influence
My daughter has a college roommate whom we may call Tingting for now. Just like her name, Tingting looks pretty, completely with a southern girl's gentle. Tingting is from Yantai, a beautiful seaside city in Shandong Province. Her grandmother married to Shanghai, and Tingting was raised by her grandmother since she was young. Perhaps we understood the reason why she came to Shanghai from Shandong.
My daughter became good friends with Tingting and gradually learned about what was going on in Tingting's family. Tingting's mother had given birth to her when she was 20 years old, and Tingting had never met her father and was reluctant to do so when she grew up.
Tingting's mother loved to dance when she was young and met Tingting's father in a dance hall and then fell in love. After having Tingting, her father never showed up again. It is said that the man came from Hunan Province, a faraway place from Shandong. Tingting had to be raised by her grandmother, and the pain had to be shared by the kind old woman.
Naturally, Tingting’s grandmother treated her with love and affection, and I'm afraid it would not be too much to say that she was spoiled and pampered. What kind of feelings does Tingting have about her mother's suffering when she grows up and becomes sensible?
Tingting never talks about love and often tell people that it is good to live alone and that it is painful to have children. The grandmother who advised her to think about marriage was also replied with some negative things: so-and-so woman was disabled or even killed by domestic violence, so-and-so divorces, so-and-so had an affair, etc. The timid, kind grandmother also slowly became scandalized and stopped advising her.
Is Tingting unwilling to talk about love? I'm afraid not, but her mother's experience has left a deep influence on her, and she is afraid of repeating the same mistake, afraid of following in her mother's footsteps. She is actually a kind of escape, and she even thinks that all men in the world are bad.
This year, at the age of twenty-seven or eight, Tingting is still celibate and has no thoughts of marriage.
Tingting works in a company, several years past, with neither promotion nor salary increase, and the year-end rating is always the last grade D. This rating is linked to the year-end bonus. If the rating is low, then the bonus is also low.
This is probably the general practice in the company—to let you take the initiative to resign, and the company does not take the initiative to dismiss you. Tingting also had the idea of resigning, but her grandmother strongly advised her that it would be good to be stable.
Tingting's year-end bonus was only half of her salary, which was the result of being rated last, but Tingting's grandmother would give Tingting a bonus to make up for the lack of Tingting's bonus. The less bonus Tingting received from her company, the more her grandmother paid. Gradually, Tingting lost her will to fight and was satisfied with the status quo.
My daughter talked to me about these things, my heart was heavy. What has turned an innocent girl into this? Running away from love, running away from society and becoming without any fighting spirit.