An attempt at being financially responsible

in OCD4 months ago

Yesterday while trying to update my Google chrome, I was having issues, so I decided to uninstall it and install back. I had tried this on my PC and it worked fine. Without thinking, I uninstalled the browser and installed it back. It was then, trying to access the sites that had been opened on it for months that I realised that I had also deleted caches and browser history. I had nothing.


I have been doing Airdrops on the Solana chain using in recent times. It has not rewarded me with much but I made a little from an airdrop that I kept thinking I would use the USDC to get some tokens later when the dip begins. The dip came and I was still reluctant to use it. Two days ago, for no reason, I decided to sell the USDC for fiat.

When I uninstalled chrome, I lost access to my wallet. Basically all the tokens, whether they become profitable in the future or not, are gone. I can go to the Solana explorer and I will see my tokens but I can't use them. If not that I exchanged that USDC for fiat two days ago, I would have lost access to it as well. That would have hurt a lot.

I think I was careless with the applications on my phone. I normally save the seed phrases of any wallet to a safe place. For no reason that I can think of, it did not occur to me to save the seed phrase of this wallet. If I had done so, it would have been easy for me to retrieve my wallet. Right now, I just can't think of anything to do about this mess.

I can choose to be angry or be happy that I removed that USDC when I did. Of course, the money will be spent on all sort of inanities but it will feel better than losing it. What has me worried though is how these things happen.

Let's take for instance, the previous error I made. I gave a stranger my seed phrase, knowing quite well that you should never give out your seed phrase. When I was doing everything that day, several months ago, it made a lot of sense. It felt right, genuine. I did not question my actions until my BNB was wiped out of my trust wallet. This same thing has happened again and I have discovered as a result of these two incidents that I don't think things through sometimes.

As someone who can be spontaneous and at the same time nonchalant about the things people consider important, it is easy for me to make dangerous mistakes as I have come to discover. I do not take the important things serious and end up wounding myself. If I had asked myself the salient questions, I would not have given that stranger my seed phrase or uninstalled Google chrome without saving the seed phrase of my Solana wallet.

What does this mean, the self analysis? Does it mean that I will be more financially capable and responsible going forward? Does this mean that I will pay more attention to the little things in my life? Also, is my nonchalance a result of my disenchantment with life? Is my spontaneity an attempt to seem alive? Can we therefore say that these mistakes are a means through which I raise a mirror to myself, ask myself salient questions?

For what it is worth, I love what I do. I love that I am making ends meet. I love that I can afford to buy my mother her drugs. I have never been able to do these things. Maybe I am not yet used to being responsible for what enters my pocket and what leaves. after all, I have been broke most of my adult life. What do I know about managing and securing money?

There are so many of us out there who have lived through extreme poverty and now, either by hook or crook, chance or destiny, opportunity prepared for, have discovered wealth. They are wild spenders. They are lavish in their gifts to themselves and others. They do not think of tomorrow. Is this not some form of trauma from being poor? Will a young man or woman born into wealth be so driven to spend as fast as it comes? It is common especially among fraudsters who see the money they've stolen as an easy deal. What am I then? Weak?

It is my dream to be self sufficient, to be able to cater to my each and every need and desire. It is my hope that I find a suitable system to make that dream a reality. I therefore need to learn how to be financially responsible. I have to be able to account for every kobo that leaves my pocket. I have to be able to give sufficient reason as to why I spent what I spent. I have to give this reason to myself. I have to pay attention to my business. I have to think before I take any decision that has to do with money.

I like to believe that the above is a possibility. I don't know what you are dealing with financially but I believe that you can take something from this essay. I believe that you too can be more careful and financially responsible. Good evening.