My version of Fire and Ice

in Writing & Reviews5 months ago

Hello Steemit, I hope you're all well and keeping safe. Am happy to be sharing my thoughts in this community. Today I am sharing with you my experience from a couple of years back. 2020 to be exact. Lets just say it was a dark time for me. Here is what i had n mind during that time.

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My version of Fire and Ice

If I had to choose between depression and anxiety, it would be easy. I would rather be depressed for a week, than experience anxiety for a minute.

…it’s a weird choice right? I will explain.

With depression, you are in a state that feels low, lower than the ground we stand on…It feels like you are falling in a bottomless pit. But, at the same time, you are too heavy to move from one place.

It is dark, darker than the darkest black you can find. And in that state, you are locked away. Alone. Quiet. It’s not safe, but if the world has turned its back on you…it’s all you have.

I cannot embellish it, depression is worse than any physical pain. It’s so excruciating that suicide seems like the logical option. In that moment, those few minutes that feels like eternity, you feel complete worthlessness and purposeless in life…your brain keeps screaming, “Die…you are a waste of space. Nobody needs you.” You feel trapped because you don’t see any hope in a future.

But at least you have darkness to hug you. A sense of quiet to calm your mind and your contemplations are fixed on one thing…DEATH…

But with anxiety…

You are in a state of restlessness and uncertainty. And these two bring along panic attacks, now that’s where the problem is. Everything that could possibly go wrong will choose that moment to run through your mind…AT ONCE!!!

You feel suffocated; your nose loses all functions of inhaling or exhaling. It feels like a heavy weight has been placed on your chest, the walls feel like they are closing in on you. But you can’t find a way out. Your mind will not rest; prayer won’t help because it can’t come fast enough and crying…well, call it wailing…will not ease even an ounce of that pain.

What is worse is, anxiety will follow you everywhere like a shadow. It’s heavy so you get tired of carrying your burdens around. You drag it around for days…uncertain when it will surprise you with the next panic.

Don’t get me wrong, I am not saying depression is any better, I have experienced both in their apex stages. They are both the most excruciating feelings I have ever had to endure. But if Robert Frost had a choice between fire and water, I, too, get to have a choice between my two demons. I pray you never have to make this choice

Thank You

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