Strange Interchange With A Person In A White Coat - Episode 5 (MEDICAL SATIRE)

steeminganarchy (69)in #health • 6 years ago (edited)

A look into the pain-production-pill-popping cycle at your local pseudo-science center!

Scene: Patient is in an exam room, waiting anxiously for the doctor to arrive.

Patient (thinking): I wonder why all hospitals and clinics have the same interior look about them. Whoever designs these things has drab taste and an unhealthy obsession with the 1970s.

Doctor walks in.

Doctor (fake smile): Hello, how ya doing?
Patient: I’m in a clinic, so what do you think?

Doctor: Right. Well, your test results are in. It appears you have kidney disease.
Patient: Oh, no! So what’s the cure, doc?

Doctor: Actually, we’re not in the curing business. We can help you manage the symptoms, though.
Patient: I’m starting to think Chris Rock was right.

Doctor (puzzled): What?
Patient: Ya know, Chris Rock. "There ain't no money in the cure" comedy bit.

Doctor: Not entirely true. There's just more money in symptom management. Speaking of money, let’s go over all of the drugs I’m going to give you.
Patient: You’re gonna give me drugs?

Doctor: Well, not me, exactly. I’ll give you a piece of paper, then you’ll go to a pharmacy and wait for what seems like forever. Then if you have good insurance, you’ll still pay an astronomically high price and finally walk out with the drugs. And pharmaceutical executives will make more deposits in Swiss bank accounts.

Patient: And if I don’t have good insurance?
Doctor: Then you’ll probably have to take out a loan. How should I know? I’m not a financial advisor.

Patient: So what are the drugs, doc?
Doctor: We’ll start off with 4 and see how it goes.

Patient: 4 drugs!
Doctor: Hey, some people take 20 or more. You should consider yourself lucky. Anyway, you’ll be taking a diuretic.

Patient: What’s that?
Doctor: It will make you pee more. You’ll also take a statin drug to lower your cholesterol and an ACE inhibitor to lower your blood pressure. Finally, you’ll be taking an anti-psychotic.

Patient: Anti-psychotic?! Why?
Doctor: Because I get the biggest kickback for those.

Patient: Really?
Doctor: How do you think I got this Rolex? (flashes Rolex, grins)

Patient: I’ve heard there can be serious negative effects from statin drugs, especially in the brain.

Doctor: Well, I can’t force you to take the drugs, but if you get worse and possibly die, don’t come cryin to me. Actually, I’ll need you to sign a waiver saying that your family won’t sue if you die.

Patient: I find your tactless behavior to be disconcerting. And if I’m dead, crying will probably be out of the question for me. So what about the other pharmaceutical drugs? Do they have a lot of negative health effects?

Doctor: Well, sure they do. Gotta ensure repeat business somehow, right?

Patient (eyes narrow): I can’t tell if you’re joking. So I have a question. Aren’t there any natural remedies I could try? Maybe some lifestyle changes could help?

Doctor: Why are you asking so many questions? Usually patients just follow my orders and don’t say a word. Natural remedies aren’t gonna make my speedboat payments. Anyway, I’ll humor you. What’s your lifestyle and diet like?

Patient: I eat a lot of pop tart cakes.
Doctor: Pop tart cakes? Is that a new kind of pop tart?

Patient: No, I just put cake inside 2 pop tarts and make kind of a sandwich. I’ve done that every day since I was little.
Doctor (sarcastic): It’s truly a mystery how you ended up with chronic kidney problems. Please, continue.

Patient: And I drink a lot of diet coke and sit at the computer all day.
Doctor: I see.

Patient: And on the couch all night.
Doctor: Have you thought about exercising?

Patient: I think about it a lot, but never actually do it.

Doctor: How much water do you drink?
Patient: Diet coke has water in it, right?

Doctor (facepalm): Look, you can make some lifestyle changes, and maybe you’ll improve, but how about you go ahead and get some drugs anyway.
Patient: Gee, I dunno doc. I think I’ll try changing my habits first and seek out some natural cures.

Doctor (pleading): Oh, come on, at least take the anti-psychotic. It’s the most lucrative!
Patient: No thanks, doc.

Doctor (disgruntled): Well thanks for wasting my time!
Patient (walking out door): Might want to work on your bedside manner.

Overview Of Kidney Disease

https://www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-conditions/chronic-kidney-disease/diagnosis-treatment/drc-20354527

Info about dangers of pharmaceuticals

http://www.greenmedinfo.com/toxic-ingredient/angiotensin-converting-enzyme-ace-inhibitor

https://draxe.com/hub/what-are-psychotropic-drugs/dangers-of-psychoactive-drugs/

https://www.drugs.com/sfx/monopril-side-effects.html

http://www.greenmedinfo.com/toxic-ingredient/statin-drugs

https://www.drugs.com/sfx/lipitor-side-effects.html#for-professionals

Info about doctor kickbacks

http://www.businessinsider.com/what-drugs-are-doctors-paid-the-most-to-promote-2015-1