Dying young is only a beautiful movie not a life story

As I am writing this post I am currently awaiting another doctor consultation. The blood result is out and it's not good. My sugar, cholesterol and creatinine is high suddenly the possibility of dying beautiful hit me. Lol

Seriously when you spend your fortune on saving a kidney and your expected good results bit it's the contrary instead anyone will attest it surely dampens the spirit unless if course you're suicidal.

While awaiting I try to self talk myself to be optimistic still but it's hard especially when I spent entire 2016 in and out of hospital and spent so much. All those movie stories about love and dying especially at ones prime cross my mind.

Dying young the movie was chessy and tearjerker. Same is true for Me before you,The Fault in the stars, Dear John and even the well acclaimed Filipino movie Dying Beautiful.But honestly when you're the one wanting more memories to treasure it's hard to keep a happy face especially when you're a nurse like me who knew the prognosis.

I am grateful I have health insurance for my work and a personal insurance for critical illness. I am also grateful I have my funeral services covered with another plan. Considering too many dont even see doctors in their lifetime and have to ask local politicians for monetary help .I am grateful I can still do things I'd love to do than those who just die sudden in an accident or given a bomb by their doctors of few more months of years to live. indeed I am one lucky person considering many were born disabled, sickly or abused. If I do die before 60at least I'll die beautiful unwrinkled.

But seriously, I still want to do more volunteer work and do more travelling. I'd like to take care of my parents than the other way but who am I to make a different plan than that of God?Between crying over the result I can't help laugh as well because for all the times I asked friends and family to buy from me a health and funeral plan I wasn't successful closing contract with them as an insurance agent. Yet here I am using the benefits of the plan I sold myself. Ironic don't you think?

Yes I am sad as I can imagine many things that can go wrong moving forward. Yet, I rest in the knowledge that God always gives the strength to endure. So please fellow Steemians I pray if you love this life and your loved ones do take time to visit your doctor and live a much healthier lifestyle. As for me, I'll just have to take it a day at a time and living it like I am dying. I don't think its attracting bad omens as the famous law suggest as how will you explain cancer to children who never knew the big C to begin with. Moving forward, I'll view the world with an eye of a tourist always excited even for the mundane holding in my heart that belief when God made each pieces of me he did it with only goodness in store as the good book says.

Till next post ,
Ayn