Simple Exertions Wears Me Down More Than Ever Now

I had been suffering from weakness ever since I can remember it but at least I can lift heavy things when I was in high school because I used to fetch my own shower water into our bathroom from outside where we have our artesian well pump.

But after I had my lymph node infection due to my kidney infection it had lead me with my body feeling heavy where jumping over our concrete from outside I cannot do anymore. So from that point on my body weakness progressed even though I could still walk for miles even in the first years as a dialysis patient.

But after about ten years or so when changes are already happening in my height my weakness also had progressed bit by bit even though my anemia had an improvement and it is a puzzle to me since I know then that my weakness was caused by my anemia.

Now if you give me a closed water bottle in the desert I will die of thirst because those things I could not open anymore. So I have to ask for assistance especially now that I could now that although I have a very little body my knees are not capable of supporting it not to mention the pain that makes things worse for me.

I am writing this because we just had gotten back from getting some documents that I needed and that alone including filling up the documents was just so cumbersome for my body that it made me weary upon coming home considering that my mother was the one who had done all the walk and talk so I am thankful for her and my father, I couldn't even think if they are not around anymore.

I just hope to die before I would turn fully into a vegetable. I am actually accepting that and it is just the process of dying is what I do not like particularly dying where you could not breathe, nauseated, etc while you are fully aware of it all. May God forbid that from happening.