Simple Secrets to Happiness #9: YOU CAN'T DO IT ALONE

in health •  last year  (edited)

How often in our life, in our daily internal and external struggles, do we face our problems alone? We try to do it all. It’s easier, we think, to “pull ourselves up by our bootstraps” and muck on. But, I have a secret for you. People who are happy know this truth:

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Why is it hard to sincerely include others in our life, our goals and our related struggles to reach them?

I can’t say what the statistical reasons are, but I do know what my reasons are.

  1. I sometimes think, why should people care about my goals and struggles? They are busy with their own.
  2. I don’t want people to have an accounting of my failures.
  3. Truthfully, sometimes I don’t really want accountability to reach my goals.
  4. People won’t fully understand who I am or where I’m coming from.
  5. I feel too busy and mentally fatigued with my daily life to cultivate deep relationships outside my family.

Never-the-less our need for community runs deep

Truly, if you want to be happy, you need others to serve and to love. If you want to feel loved and accepted, you’ll need to let others in. Be vulnerable enough to let others see your true self. And, if you want to develop a habit to choose happiness in the midst of struggles, you’ll need the help and accountability of others.

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“When people join groups where change seems possible, the potential for that change to occur becomes more real. For most people who overhaul their lives, there are no seminal moments or life-altering disasters. There are simply communities–sometimes of just one other person—who make change believable.”
--The Power of Habit

Does Steemit help you feel not alone?

This is the obvious question in posting this article on such a robust online community. Does Steemit provide the accountability and connection to help you reach your goals, to provide opportunities to help others, to feel known?

Is Steemit part of your happiness equation? I'd love to know your thoughts! @allforthegood

In case you missed it

Simple Secrets to Happiness #1: You Can’t Do It All (PLUS a giveaway)
Simple Secrets to Happiness #2: You Can’t Will Yourself to Be Happier
Simple Secrets to Happiness #3:Build the Right Habits
Simple Secrets to Happiness #4: Stop Complaining
Simple Secrets to Happiness #5: GRATITUDE, the magical attitude
Simple Secrets to Happiness #6: Adults Need Recess too!
Simple Secrets to Happiness #7 You can’t control others.
Simple Secrets to Happiness #8: 100% is Impossible!

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Hey @allforthegood,

Whilst I LOVE your current happiness series and the positive vibe it brings to the table, I personally disagree with the idea of being unable to find happiness alone.

Truly, if you want to be happy, you need others to serve and to love. If you want to feel loved and accepted, you’ll need to let others in.

Pure unconditional love is somewhat the key to happiness. This can be for others, but it is also for nature, life, and most importantly yourself. Mediation is a great tool in finding or understanding this love. If you base your happiness on the judgement of others and of yourself, you will be stuck in a doubtful foggy mindset, always wondering whether you are reaching expectations, rather than living in the moment and devouring every beautiful aspect of it.

Our lives are completely based on the self. It is the self who breathe's in air. It is the self that beat's it's own heart. It is the perspective of self that determines love and hate - therefore it is only you who can determine your own happiness.

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I absolutely agree that you cannot base your happiness on the judgement of others, on what they think about you. And, if we are in chaos within, there is no amount of external help that is going to fill a void within us.

However, when it comes to achieving goals, there is much to be said in being accountable to others, and having the caring support of others. And, I believe that being in community is a key to happiness in that it provides an opportunity to feel of use-- to be able to bring something of value to someone else, and to care for them, does create a measure of happiness.

And, there is, I believe, happiness gained when we do trust and open ourselves up, and feel understood. It's hard to feel accepted, if I have guardedly communicated with others or have kept to myself.

However, I am writing this as a happiness "secret" not a "law." I think the tools I'm sharing are beneficial as ideas to improve one's intentions towards happiness, but won't guarantee it either way. Thanks for sharing your thoughts, and for reading my series :)

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This post has received a 0.03 % upvote from @drotto thanks to: @banjo.

This really resonates with me. Steemit has made me feel less alone, and I sooo value these online interactions (sometimes, I must admit, at the expense of the people around me) and I don't know what I would do without this platform. Great post!! :)

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Thanks, I agree. There were so many days before steemit, I didn't talk to another adult all day long. I love my kids, but what a breath of fresh air to have some adult interaction interjected in my day :)...And a forum for creativity and learning. Glad you're here!

I've been thinking that Steemit (more than FB) is a mirror of our "real" life. Someone mentioned finding our community or people. I looked around and realized I have several communities but they do not afford me much one on one time. In Life or on Steemit. And yet I feel connected with afew people I've met so far, so maybe there is hope.
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@Lahvista

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There's always hope! I haven't connected on discord much or have gone above and beyond to connect deeply here, but there's a lot of potential for more. Scarcity of available time is my limiting factor.

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I'm recently retired and I'm sorry to say I've become obsessed with steemit. Soon I will have to return to writing my next book. :)

Steemit has helped me feel more a part of a community. Many times I feel like people don't understand our way of life so they just dismiss us. I love my kiddos and husband but I miss chatting with women who uplift, build, and encourage me in my walk. Maybe someday. :)

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I hear you there. There are few real life friends I can count on and open my heart to. And it's harder yet to find people of like mind going down the path of life we are with the struggles that we can relate to, and words to encourage. There are some really neat people here on steemit that I've begun to get to know. It's not exactly like chatting over coffee, but steemit is sure something I look forward to in my spare moments. :)

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This is really beautiful and I share your sentiments. There is a deficit in community for most people (at least in the USA it seems) and that can only be remedied by forging strong community bonds. Thanks for this <3

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Yes, it's sad how little people I know here in the Ozarks after moving three years ago. People generally keep to themselves, even here in the southern states. Steemit helps me feel a little more human, and satisfies that need for connection. Not saying we don't need some local live-person type community, but it's a start.

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yes, i started off perhaps wanting to join an ecovillage, but that is a little too close of community (live in as you say) for my liking. we, too, live in the ozarks and have found neighbors 15 min away that we really like is super ideal. many people live 30-60 min away, but they too are our neighbors and we need them in our lives. so glad steemit is fulfilling that niche for you. it's invigorating me, too :)

I kinda feel alone when i post (Barely any views/upvotes)

But i do not feel alone when i comment other's posts.

So i comment more than i post. :)

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I think that's a good strategy to feel connected. I use it myself. :) It's great to get replies so quickly when you're interested in someone else's work. Better than even any customer service I receive from a business. Of course, I say this replying two days later to your comment, sorry!

This post has received a 4.07 % upvote from @booster thanks to: @allforthegood.

I resonate with #5! Steemit helps with this. The accountability on here helps me to keep in contact and connect with others when I’d otherwise rather just keep to myself. I have goals to try all these new things, and it’s easy for me to just throw it to the wayside if I’m feeling lazy, but if I write about it, I feel more motivated to follow through.

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I agree. Plus it's inspiring to read about what others are doing and trying and overcoming. It reminds me that I'm not alone in the things I struggle with. And it gives me ideas on how to try things differently. Things I would have never thought of by myself.