in guilt •  10 months ago


I’ve been facing some points concerning guilt lately. Feeling guilty for actions I’ve taken. Specifically guilty for the actions/decisions I have taken and how they may impact others. See, it’s only when it involves others in some way, shape or form, that this guilt feeling comes up within me.

It’s like, yes, I, and we all should, if possible..take actions/decisions and make actions/decisions that benefit all. That is important, that is Equality and Oneness, that is unconditional, BUT as things stand, it’s not always possible, in fact, a lot of times it is unfortunately not possible. That is when we must stand strong and see for example and in my own example, that it is best for me to do something that will benefit me, despite not benefiting another or others as much/at all, but, on the other hand, if I am to fool myself for example into doing something for another/others and then also believing this is actually good or alright for me, well, that is the exact same, so here one must draw a line because only I can choose what actions/decisions I take and make, nobody else will do that for me or in my interest, at least I can’t rely on another to make/take actions/decisions in my interest.

I must take matters into my own hands if the situation/moment requires that. This brings up something I had wrote out not too long ago in being ‘ruthless’ - ruthless in standing strong, ruthless in not accepting self-diminishment and also ruthless in not accepting less for myself and more for others in terms of believing I must do something purely and/or mostly for them whilst I am just a low or non-existent priority.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to justify feeling guilty and then attack myself and feel down/depressed/deflated as the belief that the action I’ve taken to assist myself has at the same time hurt or not assisted another/others and believing thus that this is a valid reason to hate on myself and regret the choice I made.

I see, realise and understand that as long as my starting point is one of what is best for all, Equality and Oneness, unconditional love and support for all and I have looked INTO decisions/moments as these qualities/principles and was NOT able to come to a decision that benefited all/however many equally/in some way, shape or form, then the next option is to do what benefits me and so within this not wait for another to do something that benefits me, because then I could be waiting forever and thus I must stand for myself and my choices and decisions in moments where I see that this is the ONLY way and that in this system/society, this can and usually IS the only way where it is impossible for all to benefit the same way/as much, but this is but a consequence of this system/society/what we have accepted and allowed to exist.

To be continued.

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