Guys, today I wanted to write about kittens and string. No wait, I wanted to write about global warming and peak oil. Sorry, this is what Twitter has done to my mind.

Global Warming

Have you seen the news lately? Record temperatures are being reached every year around the globe! In India, Europe, the US. Lots of droughts and heavy rain and floods and bad stuff in general. I'm (sometimes) concerned that this might get worse...

But am I the only one who has become desensitized to this news? Am I the only one that took three overseas trips in the last three years, aware of the fact that the CO2 emitted from the jet could very well be slowly destroying the planet?

I mean, the destruction of our planet is unfortunate, and I'd love to help... but gosh guys... I really need to get to work to pay my mortgage and taxes, put food on the table, and fill up my gas tank. And I'm quite confident that there are many smart scientists who figure this all out.

You see, apparently the CO2 we humans are emitting into the atmosphere is causing the planet to heat up and cause all these crazy weather events! See here:

Hold on a second... Is that a news article from the BBC's website? The same BBC that's controlled by the globalists and reptilian people? How do I know that this isn't just some big conspiracy!? LIES! Government lies! Just so they can tax us more. How can I trust these scientists? Which ones have been paid by the globalists?

Alright, well let's believe (foolishly) for a second, that all this CO2 is heating up the planet. What can we do?

• STOP TRAVELLING! Stop going on vacations to Mexico, Thailand, Japan, and Mongolia. Especially Mongolia. Stop visiting your family by car, plane, or bus. Anyway you slice it, you will increase the concentration of CO2 in the atmosphere!
• Stop eating bananas, oranges, and any other fruit or vegetable that you can't grow in your backyard.
• Above all, don't eat meat or dairy products... By doing so you are complicit in the destruction of the Amazon rainforest.
• In fact, stop buying all groceries, as CO2 must be emitted to produce and transport those goods to your local grocer.

I mean, if you really cared about future generations, you'd grow your own food, stop driving to work, and certainly not purchase the latest iPhone which took how many tonnes of CO2 to produce and distribute? And you'd pray for a collapse of the economy, even if that meant your investment portfolio would crash, because it would result in a huge decrease in CO2 emissions, and a brighter future for our children!

Hold on a second, let's be rational here. The reason the Earth is heating up is because it has been moving closer to the sun. And this has been scientifically proven! Great, now I don't have to feel guilty anymore! 

Or...

Peak Oil

Alright, let's assume that CO2 has no effect on the earth's temperature. There's still the problem that oil is a non-renewable resource, so eventually it's all going to run out, and then future generations won't have the fuel required to drive to their suburban homes.

For example, did you know that in 1973 the United States reached its peak oil production? Since that time, the oil produced by the states has been steadily decreasing.

Now many western nations must rely on countries like Saudi Arabia to fuel their economic growth. Yes, the state that publicly beheads criminals and drops bombs on hospitals in Yemen. Side note: Canada sends them weapons too! Off topic: Where does ISIS get their weapons?

Wait a minute, so if I fill up my gas tank with oil that came from the middle east, am I in effect contributing to the violence that goes on there? I mean, gas stations don't really tell you what country their fuel came from, so can I just assume it came from a peaceful region? What about the airliners? Where do they get their jet fuel from?

Why don't we wean ourselves off of oil entirely? Well, because our economies and stock markets wouldn't grow without it, and most likely send the financial system into an apocalyptic death spiral! You want to receive your pension payouts after retirement, don't you? 

Conclusion

Okay, okay - enough already! All this thinking about future generations is making my head hurt. Stop being so negative! Haven't you ever heard the expression "live in the moment"? I'm going to have a glass of New Zealand wine with Italian cheese and start planning my next trip to Japan.

For the record: I don't own a house or car or have kids, and I sold my stake in the company pension fund when I quit last year. However, I do travel by plane and bus. I also usually eat a banana every day.