Plant porn... or how to finger-feck a cucumber

in #gardening4 years ago (edited)

I've just done something I do not know how to feel about...dirty is the first word that comes to mind (there's a money shot at the end of this post if you're not into foreplay at the moment).

Some of you might know that my cucamelons finally grew some male flowers.

If a female flower won't receive any pollen it will shrivel and fall off.

Here we can see a couple of them that haven't been pollinated and they're starting to dry off; you can also see a few male flowers beneath them... so close, yet so far; too far to get busy on their own I'm afraid.

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Some of the older male flowers are fully opened showing off their pollen balls but...if there's no bees to impress it's all in vain.
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And now ... we get down and dirty. I won't bore you with technical information on how I built the very technologically advanced cucamelon fecking tool and I'll just give you the money shot. That's the reason you're reading this anyway, you dirty buggers!
I put some soothing music on and got into the mindset. Think like a bee, become the bee, be the bee!
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Pfft...cucamelon fecking tool .. everyday we stray further from god's light; what's this world coming too?

Thanks for listening to your primal urges and reading a post about fingerfecking cucumbers! I'm pretty sure that by this point you're already reevaluating all the life choices that brought you to this precise moment!

My flowers will appreciate any comments and upvotes... and why not, even that elusive follow!

Cheers!
Cos (who needs a lie down now)

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This was the weirdest thing iv'e ever read LOL

I'll take that as a compliment, haha :D

Haha love it !

Hilarious dude , Upvoted.

People just don't realise how sexual plants are!

Indeed, or how involved you have to get into their business to get them going without bees :)

I mechanically pollinate my veggies as well. Never heard it quite described this way... lol

It's a slow morning, that's all I can say :) If I'm gonna do the dirty, at least have some fun with it hehe

Haha! Fantastic. May you receive a bounty of baby cukes.

Thank you, I hope my dirty work will be rewarded!

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Beautiful. I did polinize mine manually, but with a... I don´t know the name. A little plastic stick with cotton at both ends, some people use it to clean their ears, though it is dangerous!

I actually did it with zuchinni, another curcubitacea (Spanish). But in the end it did not work out. Just one fruit, and it died before maturing. My veranda is not good enough for the pumpkin family. I do get some tomatoes, though.

Thanks!
I think the cotton bud stick is the classic method, I dunno why I haven't thought about that and just used the male flowers instead. It did work though and by now I have quite a few bees visiting my greenhouse every day so I don't need to bother with manual pollination anymore.
I have 2 tromboncino's outside, which are similar to the zucchini; I had a few fruit of them, but some bugs keep eating them. I've tried to grow zucchinis last year, but the plants were getting sick really quick.

I have seen it done with the male flower as well. It´s more of a pro´s method. I saw Toni, from La Huertina. Great vegetable gardener, but in Spanish.

I´ll keep reading your posts. Who knows, maybe with my Steemit blogging I can buy myself a lot and do some real gardening.

On that day I was thinking of using a small paintbrush but I was too lazy to go look for one so I just thought about plucking the male flowers and just using those. Had loads of them anyway.

Oh, that's the dream, isn't it? Buying some land and living off it, I would love that! For now, I have to be content with the greenhouse I built; things are growing great in there but it's almost full now, hehe.
Let's hope we'll both get some plots!