Bodybuilders like Kelly Clarkson, too (True and funny stories with Wade)

in #funny6 years ago

The gym I work out at is modest in size, but it's a good facility with a friendly owner and all of the necessary equipment I need to stay in slightly-above-average shape and counteract most of the beer I drink.

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The men's locker room is fairly small. When you walk in, there are metal lockers on the left, a skinny wooden bench straight in front of you, and the showers, urinals and toilet are located around the corner to the right. When you're sitting on the wooden bench, you can't see the urinals because of a half wall. That seems like an insignificant detail; however, it's a key piece to this story.

One day, I had finished getting changed and I was about to leave the gym, but I had to use one of the urinals. I set my bag by the sink on the bathroom-side of the locker room, walked in front of the urinal and began to do my thing. While I was peeing, I couldn't help but notice that Kelly Clarkson's Breakaway was playing on the radio.

You know the song...

I'll spread my wings and I'll learn how to fly
I'll do what it takes til' I touch the sky
And I'll make a wish, take a chance, make a change
And breakaway

It's a catchy song, but certainly not one that I'd admit to any of my friends that I listen to.

But as I urinated and listened to Kelly's angelic voice, I couldn't help but notice that the song turned into a duet. In a few moments, I was about to realize that the other voice that joined Kelly's belonged to a 250-pound bodybuilder who thought he was the only one in the men's change room. (Remember the half wall?)

Now, I had a few decisions to make at this point in time. But before I go any deeper into this story, you need to understand something about urinal etiquette.

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There is an appropriate amount of time to stand in front of a urinal. Anything short of 15 seconds is super weird; anything longer than 2 minutes is equally strange.

Here's where my dilemma came in. As the bodybuilder continued to sing, I weighed my options. I could wait it out in front of the urinal, and pray that the muscle man simply was using the locker room to get changed and wasn't going to venture into the bathroom side. If that were the case, he would never know that I heard him singing to a Kelly Clarkson song, and I would spare him the embarrassment. However, if he did have to use the bathroom side of the locker room, he would notice that I had been standing in front of the urinal for several minutes like some sort of weirdo and then there would be potential for me to endure embarrassment.

I decided it wasn't worth the risk, so I flushed the urinal, washed my hands, and walked past the bodybuilder on the way out of the locker room. As I walked passed him, he looked into my eyes and his face instantly turned the darkest shade of red I'd ever seen.

"Sorry man," he said instantly, as if apologizing was the appropriate thing to do. Then he quickly looked down and said, "I thought I was the only one in here."

"It's OK, buddy," I said, and then whistled to the tune of Breakaway as I walked out.

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resteem is free :D

Great story, and the dilemma is so classic. Those things often get worse and worse as time goes on. Thanks for the enjoyable read.

Thanks for taking the time to read!

Funny, but also a story of empathy.

And I'll make a wish, take a chance, make a change
And breakaway

I had not heard the song, did not know of it, but the words are marvellous. Will now have to search it out.
Thanks

Edit: Heard it and thanks, is a lovely song - on the vid it starts with a young girl singing it, which confused me.

A pity the radio was not playing 'Piece by Piece' by her, if he had sung to it, he really would have been emabarrassed :)
As a reminder (I enjoyed watching the judge cry):

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