Mother Nature says, "F#%& YOU, lady!"

She sends the gremlins in the dark.
It's time, again, for the week of the shark.

"You didn't put a baby in your uterus this month? Well fine. I have a little present for you."

She will try to strike when you least expect it.
Waiting to ruin your favorite outfit.

"I bet you thought today was a safe day to wear those white pants."

Mother Nature is a tricky bitch.
That one good month? It's bait and switch.

She'll give you bloating for no good reason.
No, scratch that. It's 'cause it's swimsuit season.

"Might as well eat that entire tub of ice cream. You're not preggers, but honey, you look it!"

Excitement. Fury. Giggles. Sleeeeeeeeeeeepy.
Let's do ALL the emotions, especially weepy.

"You should fight with your boyfriend today. I'm pretty sure he looked at you funny 3 days ago. Just sayin'."

And as if all that just wasn't enough,
She'll test your willpower and call your bluff.

"I bet you thought last month's cramps were bad? MUAH HA HA!" She cackles as you reach in your purse to find only one painkiller left.

When the days are through, you're just in luck...
You can do it again next month........Wait. No. What? F#%&!!

Tune in next time to meet Mother Nature's wild card of a best friend, Birth Control.

Have you heard how psycho that bitch is?! Cheese and rice.

P.S.
Oh, yes. I most definitely am still wearing my #SteemFest wristband. :)