Filipino Jokes Translated for Western Tastes Part 38 (My Entry for Comedy Open Mic - Round 14)

in #funny5 years ago

Giphy

Good day, my fellow Steemers and Whalesharers! This is the 38th part of my series post about local Filipino jokes which I have translated for people of the English language. Please check out Part 1, Part 2, Part 3, part 4, part 5, part 6, part 7, part 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31,32, 33, 34, 35, 36 and 37. Please read and pick the ones you like best. Tell me in the comments section on why you liked it.

I think nobody in Steemit and Whaleshares has done this kind of post series before. So I took it upon myself to do it even if you think it might not be popular or profitable. I just wanted to be the first to do this kind of thing. It would be up to you to decide, my fellow readers, if I was successful or not.

There are still a lot more Filipino local jokes that we need to be translating. These jokes are the products of the Filipinos' creativity, ingenuity, and love of social drinking.

Read and enjoy!



The vampires

Three vampires were at a night club exclusive for horror monsters.

RICH VAMPIRE: I want to order a glass of fresh blood, please!
MIDDLE-CLASS VAMPIRE: A bowl of stored blood soup for me, waiter!
POOR VAMPIRE: Waiter, only a cup of hot water, please!
WAITER: Why a cup of hot water, Sir?
POOR VAMPIRE: Oh, I found a used sanitary napkin drenched with menstrual blood by the roadside. I figured I could dip it in a cup of hot water to drink as tea!


The longing

A group of armed outlaws stopped and boarded a passenger bus. They then forcefully separated the women from the men to be raped.

TEEN GRANDDAUGHTER: Please, spare my grandmother! She's too old! Take me instead!
GRANDMOTHER: Hush, child! It has been too long since I got laid!


Naval launch

Pixabay

John and Ben went fishing in the sea in a small boat. Almost near them was a yacht filled with girls in bikinis. John suddenly got the urge to go the bathroom and decided to poop right there in the water. He released a huge, light brown turd that reflected yellow in the sunlight as it floated. One of the girls in the yacht noticed it.

BIKINI GIRL: Hey there!!! What's that thing you released in the water as you bent over?!?
BEN:(Not wanting to embarass John) Oh, my navy friend placed a toy, which he just created, in the water!!! He just launched a yellow submarine!!!


Money saving ad

Mrs. Smith was very thrifty. When her husband died, she inquired the local newspaper, asking about the price of the obituary.

AD TAKER: Its 300 Pesos for 5 words.
MRS. SMITH: Can you please make it 2 words only? "Smith dead."
AD TAKER: No, ma'am. 5 words is the bare minimum.
MRS. SMITH: (After thinking) Okay, put in "SMITH DEAD. CAR FOR SALE."


Wrong path

Pixabay

2 sperm cells were swimming along...

SPERM A: Is not our path supposed to be the UTERUS?
SPERM B: Yes, why?
SPERM A: But this path is we are swimming in is dirty and smells like shit!
SPERM B: Buddy, I think this path is not the UTERUS! Its the RECTUM!



Translated from Source: http://www.jokespinoy.com/


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Some crazy stuff in here hahah

Thank you for reading!

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