Filipino Jokes Translated for Western Tastes Part 37 (My Entry for Comedy Open Mic - Round 14)

in #funny5 years ago (edited)

Giphy

Good day, my fellow Steemers and Whalesharers! This is the 37th part of my series post about local Filipino jokes which I have translated for people of the English language. Please check out Part 1, Part 2, Part 3, part 4, part 5, part 6, part 7, part 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31,32, 33, 34, 35, and 36. Please read and pick the ones you like best. Tell me in the comments section on why you liked it.

I think nobody in Steemit and Whaleshares has done this kind of post series before. So I took it upon myself to do it even if you think it might not be popular or profitable. I just wanted to be the first to do this kind of thing. It would be up to you to decide, my fellow readers, if I was successful or not.

There are still a lot more Filipino local jokes that we need to be translating. These jokes are the products of the Filipinos' creativity, ingenuity, and love of social drinking.

Read and enjoy!



The hospital

PATIENT: Are the services in this hospital world class?
DOCTOR: We guarantee it!
PATIENT: What if I'm not satisfied?
DOCTOR: We guarantee it or we give your disease back!


The robbery

Pixabay

ROBBER:(Pointing a gun at John's head) Gimme your wallet or I'll blow your head off!
JOHN:(Giving his wallet) Give me a break! We both have the same things!
ROBBER: What's the same?
JOHN: Your gun and my wallet are both empty!


Country bumpkins

Meanwhile in a remote far-flung mountainous province...

BOY: You have been in the city. Grandpa, what is an escalator?
GRANDPA: Oh, I've ridden that one! Its like stairs that move up or down!
BOY: Grandpa, what is an elevator?
GRANDPA: Oh, I've ridden that one! Its like a tiny room that moves up or down!
BOY: Grandpa, what is a calculator?
GRANDPA: Oh, I've never ridden that one yet!


Gruesome use

2 close friends met each other at a bar.

JOHN: Hey, can you keep a secret? I killed my mother-in-law.
PETER: Liar, I don't believe you!
JOHN: Come, I'll show you...

John led Peter into the garden of his house. Right in front of the house was a fresh grave with a naked big butt sticking out of the ground.

PETER: Why haven't you covered her ass? It's sticking out!
JOHN: Well, I think I'll use it as an easy way to park my bike.


Panicked over AIDS test

Image source

DOCTOR: Why did you hit your friend?
JOHN: He saw that I was getting nervous waiting for the results of my AIDS test and commented something I did not like!
DOCTOR: What did he say?
JOHN: He said, "John, Don't worry. Just think POSITIVE!"



Translated from Source: http://www.jokespinoy.com/


Follow me as @darthnava: "A liquor a day keeps anyone away if you vomit it hard enough."

Sort:  

pocketsend:11@darthnava, play around with the token of fun - POCKET!

Successful Send of 11
Sending Account: pode
Receiving Account: darthnava
New sending account balance: 94964
New receiving account balance: 60
Fee: 1
Steem trxid: 07993a78de1b816e1d6e476a623330bd8f88149c
Thanks for using POCKET! I am running this confirmer code.

Calling @originalworks :)
img credz: pixabay.com
Nice, you got an awesome upgoat, thanks to @darthnava
BuildTeam wishes everyone a bullish new Year!
Want a boost? Minnowbooster's got your back!


Congratulations @darthnava!
You raised your level and are now a Minnow!

Support SteemitBoard's project! Vote for its witness and get one more award!

Coin Marketplace

STEEM 0.29
TRX 0.12
JST 0.035
BTC 65090.19
ETH 3379.11
USDT 1.00
SBD 4.55