Filipino Jokes Translated for Western Tastes Part 30

in #funny5 years ago

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Good day, my fellow Steemers and Whalesharers! This is the 30th part of my series post about local Filipino jokes which I have translated for people of the English language. Please check out Part 1, Part 2, Part 3, part 4, part 5, part 6, part 7, part 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, and 29. Please read and pick the ones you like best. Tell me in the comments section on why you liked it.

I think nobody in Steemit and Whaleshares has done this kind of post series before. So I took it upon myself to do it even if you think it might not be popular or profitable. I just wanted to be the first to do this kind of thing. It would be up to you to decide, my fellow readers, if I was successful or not.

There are still a lot more Filipino local jokes that we need to be translating. These jokes are the products of the Filipinos' creativity, ingenuity, and love of social drinking.

Read and enjoy!



The Filipino contractor

3 contractors were bidding to fix the White House fence. One from the Philippines, one from from Mexico, and an American.

AMERICAN:(Gets a tape measure and does some measuring) The job will cost $900: $400 for materials, $400 for labor and $100 for me.
MEXICAN:(Does the same measuring as the American): $700 Total: $300 for materials, $300 for labor and $100 for me.

The Filipino leans over to the White House official and whispers, "Mine is $2,700".

WHITE HOUSE OFFICIAL: WHAT?!? You haven't even done a measuring like the other guys! How do you expect me to consider your bid?
FILIPINO: Easy! $1,000 is for you, $1,000 for me and we hire that contractor guy from Mexico!

The next day, the Filipino and the Mexican were working on the fence.


Fast crime

Image source

A robot that can catch thieves was invented in Japan. It was tested in a London mall. In 5 minutes, 3 thieves were caught by the hi-tech robot.

They tested it again in a New York mall. In 5 minutes, 10 thieves were nabbed.

As a final test before mass production, they tested it in the Philippines' largest mall.

Unfortunately, in 3 minutes, the robot was stolen!


Possibly gay

BRUNO: Dad, I fell down on my chest accidentally! It hurt but I did not cry!
DAD: You are tough, my son! You really take after me, your macho man father!
BRUNO: Of course! Big girls don't cry!


Wrong use

TINA: Doctor, you told me and my husband that the Calendar Method is safe! Why then did I still become pregnant?
DOCTOR: How did you use the Calendar?
TINA: We used it as a bed mat when making love!


Favoritism

Image source

Meanwhile in 1st Grade class...

TEACHER: Kenny, what is 1 + 3?
KENNY: Teacher, it's 4!
TEACHER: Very good! Johnny, what is 3 + 1?
JOHNNY: There! There! When its the difficult ones, I get called! Darn it, that's favoritism!



Follow me as @darthnava: "The will to post is sweet."

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