This could be a good story but again it feels as if you list "facts" which makes it less fluently to read.
It would be good if you don't keep repeating the names that frequently. Can you replace or delete a few? How about words like: she, her friend, the girls and so on.
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I have used the word Zara's friend in one place and cowardly girl in another.
Are you talking about changes in these places?
Can you point out the places where I need to make changes?
If you tell me, it will make it easier for me to write future stories. Thank you.
#wewrite #comment