I think I’ve completely veered off from the main questions in the post, but here it goes: 😅

A conversation between Jack, a terminally ill patient, and his nurse, Mike, who visits him in his final moments for a heartfelt chat. Mike walked through the door and finds Jack laying with an almost flamboyant grace on his deathbed.

Mike: Wow, you’re still alive. How are we doing today?
Jack: I’m good, still kicking. What are you doing here?
Mike: I just came to have a little chat with you or is there anything you’d like to talk about before you hit the hay for good?

Jack: Are you kidding me? You’re not gonna bring up my sins and try to convert me, right? I’d rather die this instant.

Mike: Well, I thought you might want to talk about that shady business of yours sending kids to a penitentiary to have them clean up the whole place on the night before christmas?

Jack: What’s wrong with that? And how’d you know about that? The parents and I signed a Non-Disclosure Agreement! Besides, those kids were naughty—they got what they deserved. I don’t even feel an ounce of regret. I’ve done something good. Have you?

Mike: Really? No regrets?

Jack: I have no regrets, kid. I lived my life while I was living it. The only pity is for those who reach their deathbed and realize they never truly lived.

Mike: Wow. That's deep. Then how about that annual activity of yours—blowing up towns where people make New Year’s resolutions? How about that? Don’t you feel remorseful about that? Isn’t that a serious crime?

Jack: Isn’t lying to yourself an even more serious crime?
Mike: What?
Jack: What?
Mike: Are you going full-on John Doe from the movie Se7en? Is that what this is?
Jack: (laughs) I love that guy!

Mike: Seriously?
Jack: The only regret I have is not being able to join the protest of those angry French farmers when they were dumping manure on various buildings. I read a comment on Reddit that said, ‘When it comes to protesting, the French definitely know how to French.’ (laughs) I kind of regret I wasn’t born French.

Mike: Yeah, that was kinda cool. (nods)
Jack: You know, regrets are for those who care too much about what others think of them—those who follow the expectations of their parents, neighbors, or society, rather than pursuing the path they truly desire.

Mike: You might want to tone it down a bit—you could be striking a nerve with the person reading this right now.

Jack: Oh, they’re here for the laugh, the contest host made that clear.
Mike: I don’t think they’ll find this funny…
Jack: They’ll find it funny after an hour, trust me. But I don’t know about this Henry guy, who makes me the center of his stories. I think he’s obsessed with me. He’s not even funny.

Mike: Careful with that. He’s the author—he could cut you off at any moment.
Jack: To hell with him. Has it never occurred to you why I’m on my deathbed right now? It’s him—his way of getting back at me. Pathetic dude.

Mike: (laughs hysterically) Hey? What are you doing? (nudging Jack) Jack? Are you dead?
Jack: …
Mike: Oh boy.

-The End-