Men & Robots
Primitive form, the first, and how will they stress me to perfection? Prototyped in this ancestral lineage of archetypes—loving and obedient daughter, young and pure wife, mother of maddening, selfless capacities and then to crone, who’s good for babysitting and buying branded clothes and music lessons for these, the now entitled to her pinched wealth, her meager pension now slipping from her drudgery-gnarled fingers.
Still, they have not broken me, nor have they gotten the proper production levels from an outdated model, Mormon-raised. Now, I am grateful, for the slow to update facsimile of Eve, because I had a chance in my housewifery to see, life wasn’t worthless if I didn’t drive an Acura or hadn’t learned the language of television-series, their chained dramas on seasonal cycles of boxed life, half to one hour a day will suffice, like bottled, candy-coated vitamins instead of food.
These will be the first to have to work in the men’s sphere and we want this new model to do both, dishes and administrative tasks with demonstrative flairs of exuberant job-joy. Oh, boy! Oh, boy! To be a man, a She, a helpmeet, HIS, as in the governmental patriarchy, not matriarchy as supreme top tier, but perfection for YOU, my dear, is to reach right up to the top of that glass ceiling, be happy to touch their wing-tipped bottoms, pointing into one another (Daddy, Daddy!) showing through the thick, what is REALLY plexi-gassed, a shatter-resistant prototype to glass, and then float, hover, tread water, indefinitely in that just-under position with no place to take a rest.
And, then they wonder how it is woman have gotten so strong? Go to college more than men, can multitask, can work and work and work and work and bring home the bacon and fry it up in a pan, because really, more, much more, was required to keep our selves simultaneously submerged and hovering, obediently waiting, for next instructions.
Photo Credit: Rock'n Roll Monkey/unsplash
Do you think all this is done with an intention other than that which is yours?
Men also live without women, simply because it is feasible.
Aren't we modern people alone in our homes because we have the luxury of choosing?
All injustices that do not take place in my own house: don't I have to be extremely careful not to make them my own?
Which mother or grandmother do you want to listen to? The one that says the men are slackers... to the one who tells you it's good enough the way it is and the way you raised your kids? Or the one that makes you feel it's never good enough? If that feeling were a parcel, you could just give it back to whoever gives it to you, couldn't you? Because whose package is this?
Where's the space outside the superhero grandeur and loser life?
No, not entirely. I am slowly coming out from under that thinking, Erika. I do write about it here, because I still feel some of that robotic programming which one part of me still barks is good and the other parts of me that are angry or trying to hold both in one hand and still the me who is just fine being me, here alone, enjoying my own home.
When I got the prompt, prototype, I groaned like a child in school wishing for a more beautiful or mysterious word to carry somewhere, so probably some of that emotion directed where the write went.
That being said, I do struggle under this anger and victimization or letting others place me where they want to, me standing there playing the best part that I can and then suddenly becoming angry because I don't want to be doing what I'm doing? I'm still dreaming and writing about it all, working through the excavation and slowly getting closer to the truth. You're right, it is a package I can hand back, I can choose how I respond and when. Kind of like being really overweight and knowing that you need to stop eating all those pies and cakes in order to lose weight, but actions haven't entirely caught up yet.
And this last comment, "where is the space outside of the superhero grandeur and loser life," is good for me to ponder today. Who is that parent inside of me who will take responsibility, sit down the warring children and say, this is what we're going to do.
What is new in your world, Erika? Happy Solstice week :)
Dear Kimberly,
I dare to ask you these questions because I feel a bond of friendship and openness to you.
.....I surf the articles here on the hill and have too many provocative questions. Do it a lot. I am often rejected and instructed. Then I weigh the lesson in my hands and it is really a difficult practice to come out and not touch the many packages. I recognize your way of talking about the shadows and I like the way you respond to me trying to interpret you.
In fact, pain is a pretty good source of inspiration. Joy as well (I repeat myself:). We'd all be unemployed bloggers if we didn't have the amplifiers to unite us all. And time is no problem. I have a lot of time in person. I only have one son and that's where the foundation is laid. Yesterday I spoke briefly to a colleague who said that she now understands as her children are taller that the first baby years were a piece of cake in comparison. And I replied: "This has been exactly the opposite with me. The first three years were extremely difficult for me. Now that I have a teenager (animal), I find it much easier. I had to learn the hard way to acknowledge that I am the authority he wants to be guided by and not that I was doing something awful to him because I was ordering him. What relaxes me the most is that I don't need to have an immediate answer to all his requirements, but can say: "I'm still thinking about that." ... I used to be in a hurry and wanted to answer "yes" or "no" right away. Mostly "no", and then regret it afterwards and get involved in pointless discussions. I wasn't my own agent and my "no" was rather wobbly or optionally harsh. As if my child were a conglomerate of all the previous no's and orders of my hated authorities.
When I hear my son say to others today, "I'll think about it," I smile inside myself.
One of my great lessons was a woman who said to me that I was "a lazy bitch who gives a damn about others and she saw through me" and more like that. Of course, my ego ate it first, I opened the full package and put on the contents. But then I thought, in an allusion of clarity: "Oh, she's not talking about me, she's talking about herself!" Like most accusations are just soliloquy when you're precise. ... Which, of course, raises the curious question of what about praise? Giggle.
Quite reliably I get new ascriptions that sound like hate for a while. Most of the time my ego is busy believing all this. It's like a greedy glutton pouncing on drama and pain. ... I can tell you it's a hell of a job to stay present and not play the game. It's just too much "fun" and eliminates the comfortable boredom. The famous aching tooth that the tongue can't stop touching. LOL.
Another half letter out of it.
Have a nice solstice, too. Now it's going the other way again.
Yours Erika - twinkle
I do too, feel a bond and friendship, and I like to carry what you've said in my thoughts throughout the day--you support and challenge me in my thinking and that is good. I have never been one to shy away from constructive criticism--both in writing and psychology.
For a few years I attended a weekly counseling group and would beg the other members to point out my blind spots so that I could start to work on them. I knew I had them and just couldn't see them because everyone else's were so obvious to me! Of course that didn't make me very popular in that respect ;) One night the counselor suggested we take the time to write what we perceived as other peoples issues in personal notes to them. I was so excited! I took the time to write long and detailed messages and hoped for the same. I was shocked to get such simple responses--you're a graceful and nice woman? Some of the others were very upset with me and we spent months "processing," my responses!
I remember one woman in particular saying something about how I was in the corner scribbling away at my pad--creating a novel each of all their problems.
Many people don't want to know or just aren't open enough to hear without becoming defensive.
I think you're right to recognize that people are walking around projecting their realities on us all of the time--good and bad. And, as long as we're making that conscious decision about which gifts to accept and which to reject we can learn from these interactions. I like that kind of growth that is only born of being in relationship, but find many tire of my persistence in this pursuit. At the same time, I think those who've been in my life appreciate my depth and caring when it is coming at them as deep love, caring and accepting, but not so much when I ask them, " Why'd you do that?"
I love that your son is following in your footsteps too and really considering situations and not just answering automatically. You've done a good job being his mother :)
Wow, what a lesson with the accusatory woman! And, is difficult not to put on the contents, even when there's a small part of us saying, no, no, no. Experience and age seem to be helping me with that.
I want you also to know that your post is very potent and synchronistic for me today as I had a very vivid dream about two people who have been in my life, but aren't really now and another at a school in which I am sitting in a child's desk. I won't go into great detail here, but I jumped out of bed thinking, NO! I will no longer allow myself to be in these situations in which I am disrespected and allowing myself to be treated as a child (as you'd mentioned in another post). I could see how I was allowing it. Perhaps, your comment yesterday was on my mind while I slept? Anyway, it helped to shift perceptions within the dream and so I woke with a feeling of vigor. So, thank you for your observations!
As far as children, the teens have been easier as far as freedom for me, but also, with four, we've had our share of more serious issues I didn't have to deal with when they were toddlers. My daughter will be 18 next month, the two older boys are now men and my youngest has been sweet and easy. He's 15 and so far so good :)
Love and admiration for you, Erika.
My sincere thanks to you for revealing the experiences of the group! I had to laugh while reading. In my training, we did the same thing when it came to the topic of "feedback". We chose this formulation because "criticism" has such a negative connotation and everyone associates something bad with it. The constructive suffers most of the time. Feeding each other with subjectively perceived perceptions is already better. In the systemic context, the inner feedback practitioner wonders what intention he associates with it, whether it is of a benevolent and encouraging nature or whether a quantum of envy or other feelings of a destructive nature can be felt. It is sometimes like an egg dance to be sure that one's intentions are not selfish or narcissistic. By advocating the systematic approach through and through and always wanting to promote a person's potential, it helps me in my relationships both privately and professionally. One of my teachers was a great role model for me and I admired him for his lighthearted acceptance of heavy calibers when it came to experienced trauma or other negative experiences of the participants.
Then I realized how deeply I had conditioned myself to say: "Oh, no! How horrible!" I recognized the superficiality associated with it and the tendency that I treated people as victims and not as beings who sat alive before me and apparently had survived their terrible experience. Holding on to what happened to you is very strong in us. Yoda would say: "Strong, the dark side is in you! " LOL.
To what end did you come with your group? I can imagine how this has been for you. Also the disappointment of getting cheap comments after really kneeling oneself into the task and using a lot of brain fat and intuition to give the others a qualitative feedback.
I recognize myself in this and would think that fulfilling a set task according to a high standard also has several sides. One is to be helpful and useful to others, the other is to expect to receive similar things and the third is to get the best grade from the teacher. The students in us have indeed assimilated what they were taught: commitment is rewarded. Which can lead to burnout if you overdo it with your own performance. Burning out doesn't mean much at first, but I associate it with being on top performance and then rubbing myself in the fact that apparently nobody else is interested in putting more than one finger in the water.
During my training I often got to know my competitive nature, which couldn't stand it if someone was as good as me or better. Thank God I got rid of this and now, on the contrary, I want to be led by people from whom I can learn and who need to be better so that I can orientate myself to their standard. You're always looking for a master, aren't you? My trips here on Steemit Hill are like a search... but I also know that this is rather unlikely in the fast-moving atmosphere and I sometimes wonder what mission-conscious nature actually drives me...
It's so nice to hear you take your dreams to work with them. I also had a dream in which I sat on this too small chair and was supposed to write a math paper and knew nothing. I felt the despair coming up inside me... my unpleasant feelings in this dream (which was years ago) were not towards teachers but rather towards my classmates. For me, the physical feeling of sitting on a chair that was too small was irritating and in my dream I was half aware and surprised that I noticed this and an ulterior motive said to me: "Yes, Erika, you've grown out of that now, haven't you?
to be a mother of four children: I can only bow to that again and again. It demands the greatest respect for you and I am proud that we are mothers and that we can be friends with all women.
.... I'm very happy to have met you here. We're real letterwriters, aren't we?
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This is so rich in meaning and insight. The struggle to be modern day superwoman has pushed us to a new level of grit and fortitude our gramma's would shake their heads at.
Yes!
<3