FreeWriteHouse 26: Why Me?

Depression

She had lost interest in everything. She used to enjoy watching the soap operas but it didn’t interest her anymore. She used to like shopping, and travel but that too didn’t matter.

Her last trip to visit her son who lived in a different country seemed too much trouble though once upon a time she looked forward to it. She actually enjoyed cooking, cleaning and especially laundry which she found therapeutic. Not anymore.

Most of her time was now spent staring out the balcony. Most of her thoughts were about why, how and when?

She couldn’t understand why her? She did the best she could to be the best for everyone. She took care of her brothers and sisters before she was married. She even sacrificed going to school so she could help her mother take care of the younger ones at home while the older ones went to school.

She then was the best wife, trying to help out in every way possible. Did all kinds of odd jobs to help financially. Made sure all her kids went to school and had a better life than her. Then she took care of her grandkids.

She was kind and good and generous. So she couldn’t understand why it had to choose her. What did she do wrong? Why her?

She wondered if she was too much of a bother to the ones around her now that she was useless. A part of her, a big part of her wanted it all to end. She thought about it endlessly. It consumed her.

It was a feeling so deep, bottomless, reaching into her very soul. She couldn’t shake it off. The tears came on their own. She couldn’t stop them, she didn’t know how.

She knew they were trying their best to help her. She didn’t want to upset them and that made it worse. She sat there just staring out the balcony and saw nothing. Her thoughts blinded her to everything outside.

Mum succumbed to Non-Hodgkin Lymphoma. Apart from or maybe because of all the complications that came with it, she was diagnosed with depression. I so remember that doctor’s visit, we were hoping to get her some help for her sadness which we couldn’t get her out of. I heard him ask casual questions, I am not sure what she heard but it triggered her tears and she cried uncontrollably. And she didn’t even know why.

Another day another prompt, another Free Write! This is where you are allowed to frolic in the happiest place or traverse into the darkest corners of your mind and then share it. It can be fact, it can be fiction, as long as they are your words!!

Check out @mariannewest and @freewritehouse to find out more.
This is my submission for the 200 Day Party Challenge where we need to write one freewrite every single day for 50 days. Read other stories inspired by the prompt depression here!!

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