Day 129: 5 Minute Freewrite: Sunday - Prompt: fingernail - Broken Part 5 - A continuation of Lola's story
Lola sat at the kitchen table across from a plate full of cookies, digging her fingernails into the aged wood. Each imprint created a little half-moon. She had just discovered that if she arranged it just right...she could shape a flower.
"Lola, are you even listening?" her mother asked impatiently. "This insurance paperwork needs your attention. They keep insisting that without the proper..."
Lola dug a little deeper with her thumbnail, and applied more pressure, and harder still until her nail bent backwards. She lifted her thumb to examine the white line that had now formed over her pink nail bed.
"...So if we don't send them want they're asking for, you want get anything. Not one dime. I think I'll call a lawyer. Who's that guy on T.V? What's his name? The one your dad calls a soulless ginger...doesn't make sense...he has red hair too..." she prattled on as she made her way to the phonebook. "And please eat a cookie."
Lola glanced at the plate of cookies and her stomach rolled. Kyle wouldn't have made her eat protein cookies that tasted like cardboard...he would have baked her a fresh batch of pumpkin raisin, her favorite. The tears began to well in her eyes, and she couldn't control the onslaught of thoughts she had tried so hard to stifle.
He would have baked cookies. He would've held my hair as I threw them back up. He would've touched my belly and sung some horrible rock song to our baby.
She glanced at the forms on the table through blurry eyes.
He would know how to fill these stupid papers out! He would have taken care of it all. If he was here.
But if he was here, there would be no forms, no lawyers. I'd be home!
But he's not...he's not because...I killed him...I killed him...
Black swept over Lola's eyes as her gripped loosened from the table, and she slid from the chair to the hard tile floor.
Thank you so much from reading! I hoped you enjoyed it! Full disclosure, this one may have been longer than 5 minutes haha. If you would like to read more of Lola to get a fuller picture, I've linked the parts below!
If you would like to start freewriting with the prompts, visit @mariannewest or click the link to learn more!
Stacie D
Grinning....
It begins to come together...
Oh...now I want cookies...thanks!
The cardboard kind or the good gooey kind?😄
Yes! I hope it continues to! Haha
Another great chapter - I'm dying to know whats going on!!!!! Keep them coming :)
Thank you! Well, as requested here's the link to part 6 It's hot off press! So to speak haha I hope you enjoy it!
Thank you very much - I'm not sure why but your stuff doesn't seem to come up on my feed even though I'm following you :( - I've missed so much lol
That happens to me too! I had to track down your blogs as well! Thanks taking time to find it!!
Can you please write a novel already?!
Haha this made my day!! ❤
Okay, now you got me thinking....i mean, what are you working up to in this story? I have not read the previous episodes but this one left me in that middle ground, the kind only a great story does. I am surprised, honestly, that this story has not got much attention....this unfair can sometimes steemit be....But write still mate, and still....
You are a good writer, You should know i mean this. I am a writr myself, and i know gold when i see gold! Your work, judging by this, is gold. I am incentivised to look up the rest. Thanks.
Meanwhile, i am here sent by @mariannewest with the latest prompt for yet another masterpiece from you. Here is the link:
Wow, thank you! This was probably the best compliment I've ever gotten! It makes me feel much more confident as I write more. And now I definitely want to keep going.
Thank you for delivering the prompt!!
Thank you again for all your lovely words! I thought you might be interested in Part 6, so I thought I'd share the link!
https://steemit.com/freewrite/@freedomtowrite/day-131-5-minute-freewrite-tuesday-prompt-solitude-broken-part-6-of-lola-s-story
The pleasure is mine @freedomtowrite. I will look up the link you have here provided. Thanks again, always.
I agree with @ebitularmbert, this story deserved a lot more attention than it got. I love the split screen effect in this scene, between her mother talking, and the things she's doing with her fingernails, and then the cookies, and then it all comes together into the rush of emotion at the end. Really effective the way you wrote it, everything feels so immediate.
I'm thinking that when I'm done with The Strangeling I'm going to go back, edit it and do some (hopefully minimal) rewrites (some of the entries were not up to snuff I think reading back on it now), and arrange it into chapters, and post the whole thing over again chapter by chapter. I like that about Steemit: you get to show your work, and see other people's. Maybe you could do something similar? By the time you're done with the story it could be a novel, as @thefarmerswife is clamoring for, or at least a novella!