RE: Dark Road. Finish The Story Contest - Week #49
You really build and maintain the feeling of fear and anxiety that Shannon is going through during this ordeal.
A lasso seized her neck making her to almost lose consciousness
This is such a great description for that feeling of suffocation during a panic attack.
I like that you changed your mind, or rather Shannon did and she got her baby back.
A couple of minor things to watch out for:
Your first sentence, is Shannon's thoughts, which would possibly be clearer in italics, it just separates it for the reader.
"Do not resist. Do not complain." She told herself.
and this simple spelling mistake
she bumped the back of the van making it lost control
she bumped the back of the van making it lose control
Other than that this was a really well written and thought out ending :)
Thank you very much for taking the time to read my ending
, and thanks for correcting my English
You are very welcome. I did feel obliged as it was my intro, but your entry was really solid.
I will try to look out for your entries in the future, although you will have to tell me off if my comments get too overzealous. :)
"Overzealous", I didn't know this word
Demasiado Apasionado in Spanish (too passionate, too enthusiastic)
I do love your super-comments too