I never imagined the original story set in a car would end up in such a creepy dilapidated place and even creepier bossman in a pool. I love where your imagination takes you. It really pulled me in once she entered the doors and had no idea where you were going with it.
And I never want to know what he wanted the baby to have...never.
You have Grammarly listed at the end of your post. Running it through that probably would have helped you with a couple of typos, or not. I prefer ProWriting Aid now but neither of them is foolproof.
I surprised myself with how this turned out.
lol ... They baby may like it. 8-)
Grammarly did not help me with those typos even though I have it on as I type. I'll have to wait on a paid writing program for reasons you're aware of. If you want to point out those errors, feel free too.
Thanks @ntowl
OK, if it will help.
"The light moister" should be "The light moisture" (I'm assuming. I didn't understand "moister" here)
"demons giving lashing" better as "demons lashing"
"in the beating her baby" should be "in the beating of her baby" or "in beating her baby"
"the crowbars laying around," should be "the crowbars lying around," [don't worry I never get lay/lie/laid/layed/etc. right either.]
So not so bad. I threw your part into ProWriting Aid and it was just as useless as Grammarly. It only noticed the "laying" vs. "lying" thing. Oh and it didn't recognize some words you had correct like "graffitied" .
So the tools help but don't catch everything. And self editing is hard so hold your head high!
As I've siad bfroee, wtiouht selpl ccehk, I'd be lsot. Gmmraaly has its pcale - slpel ckchineg my wdros is the lseat of its wierros. 8-) LOL
Thanks for the edits. Changing now.
Those lay/lie/laid/layed/etc. get me almost every time.
They get me EVERY time. I always look it up, then end up confused again. I think I have trauma from a previous life or something where I laid while lying and then lied about it.