Why the Fuck Should I Watch: SERENITY (2018)?

Why the fuck should you watch “Serenity”?
• You looove Matthew McConaughey naked butt. You love it even more than Mads Mikkelsen’s butt in “Polar”. It’s going to be a butt-year by the looks of it.
• You like to go to movies and laugh spontaneously at weird and unintentionally funny moments.
• You think that the contemplative, chain smoking and binge drinking Matthew McConaughey has his own extended universe and “Serenity” is its newest installation.
• You like to go to the movie theatre with your friends and under the influence of some (…legal) substance.

Oh, boy. I think we have a winner here. The year’s dump months just started and I think we can already pick the worst film of the year. “Serenity” congrats you have made it! Unfortunately you did it so bad that you even didn’t reach the level of “it is so awful that is good”. You just made us wonder what shitty contract forced Matthew McConaughey and Anne Hathaway to get involved in such a strange movie thingy.

So, what do we have here? We have Matthew as fisherman with a broken past, bad oneliners, dry throat, and penis that is good for making money in a little island where everyone knows everybody. We have Anne as his suffering femme fatale type of ex who just pops out of nowhere to ask him to kill his abusive husband. Aaand some socially isolated tech-savvy kid of Matthew and Anne. The plot with the premise of killing someone for money sounds like neonoirish thriller, right? Well it is not.

The film jumps from one tone to another with unintentionally silly dialogue, weird sex scenes, messy camerawork and style, while working towards something in-between “The Truman Show” and “Black Mirror”. In a very bad sense. The cringy result is faaaar from “daringly original, sexy, stylized thriller” that it tries to be. As we can’t discuss the plot at all to avoid spoilers (if we would reveal these the movie wouldn’t have anything worth mentioning), let’s just say when the absurd road comes to its finish with its “daring” twists and turns you just don’t want to think how you got there. It would make the journey a lot more weirder, in a bad unintentionally disturbing way. You know, just like when you swipe on Tinder in Thailand and you forget to read the person’s bio and you go to meet the most beautiful girl with who you just matched ….and then it’s a man. Sometimes twists just doesn’t work.

Why the fuck you shouldn’t watch “Serenity”?
• “Genres, what are those? Logic, what are you talking about? Stupid plot twist, what… plot twist, oh yeeeeees!” type of thinking makes you cringe.
• You think that shitty ideas should die early. No matter how prolific the filmmaker is.
• You cry yourself to sleep, when good actors make bad choices.
• You are not ready to become an alcoholic just to endure watching this movie.