Monday Magic: Among Thy Self- A Fiction That I'm Trying to Write.
A new day comes with many opportunities. Last night, when I went to bed, I was feeling depressed and sad. Like if my life has no meaning. Which in reality is sad but true. I am a diagnosed patient with bipolar disorder. It’s not so severe like other cases about which films are made. But it is still something. It suddenly makes me feel like my existence has no meaning. And sometimes I’ll feel hyperactive. Like, I would find excitement in doing almost anything. Joy in works or chores that I don’t even like doing.
Last night was almost dampening. While lying in bed, I was trying to figure out why I might’ve been thinking like that. I was trying to reason with myself. Thinking, if I pray, it might calm me down. Or if I read something or if I try to meditate.
I was trying to build focus but those forced attempts were futile. I felt that someone else, another part of me, a darker self was clawing in the back of my head to creep in. Dragging me down into the abyss of self-loathing. Pulling me down and down.
I got up, in an attempt to take off my mind from the whole experience, opened my laptop, and started writing. Whatever came to my mind. That piece was anarchy incarnate. Marx and Hitler mixed making me question myself about if I am a good person. I wrote about how I might or would destroy everything I do not like if I had the power. Power to make myself the king of the world.
And that did the trick. I was feeling like myself again. My mind calmed down like the ambiance in the afternoon in a beautiful Forrest. With all the birds chirping, the whistle of air blowing through, howl of the animals and in an open area my beautiful child running around.
Today I feel reborn. Every Sunday I get to meet my little boy. His eyes are so dark that it reminds me of the deepest lake I’ve ever seen. Its dark, unreachable depths. With its tiny little waves glistening and Sparkling in the golden light of dawning sun.
Whenever I get to meet him, I feel human again. I take him playing in the nearby park. And then I try everything in my ability to keep him happy for the rest of the day. In an attempt to be the father of a proud son. His hero.
I was first introduced to drugs at a rave party. 9 years ago from today. The first one I ever went to. Always was a good child. Drank only a little. But never did drugs. Not even Weed At least up to then.
A girl, looking like an angel, so pretty even Aphrodite must’ve felt shy in front of her, was standing in the other corner of the room. Sipping ever so slightly, grazing only her lips so gently in the disposable cup. Who knew she was my kryptonite? Who knew?
She pulled me towards her like a powerful solenoid. She looked at me only once, and I saw my destiny. An unstoppable force pushed me towards her. I walked for an eternity, stood in front of her and she looked up. Without even talking she spoke to me a thousand words with her almost completely dilated pupils. I tried to say something, but she put her finger on my lips. Shushing me. Took my hand and started walking. In an unforeseeable excitement, I followed her.
The loud music started slowly fading. And suddenly we were walking outside holding hands. I didn’t even ask her name yet she was invading my soul with her presence. The scent of her hair and all the other things were making me nauseated. Like good nausea.
I was walking and looking forward, It must’ve been after 12. Suddenly a sound popped my ears, light from my left. With the smell, I knew what he was. A blunt. She just lit a Joint. I got even more excited.
-Want a hit?
She asked. Hearing her voice, it sounded like a Nepalese musical instrument. Like Sitara or something.
-Never had one
-So what? Everything has a first time.
-Do you think I should?
My voice crackled.
-Take a hit bitch!
Laughingly she said. It instantly dissipated my hesitation. Like I knew her for decades. I took it from her hand and put my lips on it. I inhaled like a whale and started coughing like a bronchitis patient. She started laughing. It hurt my manhood. I took a puff again. I took it like a champ this time.
That night we talked for hours. Georgina. What a weird name. Still, I fell for her hard. Gave me her number. We had a mutual friend. A guy from my class. A bully. But never bothered me.
She lived on the opposite side of the town. I asked if she was willing that I drop her. She smiled and accepted. I left my bike at the house where the rave was going on and so we started going back.
Something interesting happened. The bike was not there where I parked. I became frenzied. The first girl ever in my college life and I was going to humiliate myself. And then I suddenly remembered, my keys, I gave them to Seamus. That fucker said he was going to drop his girl at the dorm. “What a MOFO. He must be in bed with her now”.
And there I was, promised I would drop her and make a fool out of myself. She guessed something was wrong. Smiled at me again. I never knew what it was with her. Always smiling. With a hint of mockery, she told me it was OK.
Hello everyone. This is a fiction I wrote a couple of months ago. I am thinking about making it into a full-blown series with parts. Then This Will be the first one.
Posting more than a thousand words at a time might be too much. So I’ll be posting this every week. I have other concepts in my mind but I know my skills are not that good. This will be a journey for me too. I’ll post each around this day of the week. If you have any insights about how I should change it then feel free to leave a comment.
Thank You for Reading.