The Six O'Clock News Translated Into Disconcertingly Frank Speech - Episode 11 (SATIRE)

What the news might be like without the use of deceptive euphemisms.  

Male Presstitute:  Good evening, passive followers, this is a half hour mind and emotion manipulation program sponsored by the corporatocracy.  I’m an overpaid teleprompter reader with an authoritative voice.

Female Presstitute:  And I’m the comforting female figure with some added sex appeal, who also reads a teleprompter.    

Female Presstitute:  A thug that wears a crown in the Arabian Desert made a strong statement today regarding words scribbled on paper posing as law.   He said that anyone in the violently controlled collective called Saudi Arabia that was caught with alcohol or drugs would be kidnapped and murdered.  He made this statement in a speech shortly before making a big show of multiple murders by beheading.  The murderers were puffed-up, ignorant order-followers in uniforms.   The victims had been caught drinking wine and talking about philosophy the night prior.    

In a brazen display of moral relativism and utter hypocrisy of the most detestable kind, the crowned thug, immediately after the beheadings, jetted off to a private party, where thousands of other sociopaths and psychopaths enjoyed a booze and drug-fueled pleasure orgy, at the expense of the tax slaves in the region. It could neither be confirmed nor denied if Henry Kissinger was in attendance.    

Male Presstitute:  In California today, a man that was caught watering his garden with more water than tax slaves are allowed by violence-backed technocracy, was kidnapped by order-followers with badges.  After the kidnapping, he was extorted for five thousand violence-backed federal fraud notes and given 20 lashes.  This was done to bolster the evil attempt at total resource monopolization under the guise of fake environmentalism that is being conducted by psychopathic control freaks around the globe.    

In a related story, Nestle will face no penalty or scrutiny for taking millions of gallons of fresh water out of California during the recent drought.  A Satanic, beady-eyed spokesman for Nestle would neither confirm nor deny that fake environmentalists are on Nestle’s payroll.  He did, however, release a chilling, demonic cackle as he ran back to his ultra-ludicrous, bulletproof sports car.  

Female Presstitute:   We’re now going to show you a funny monkey.  

We're showing you this cute little monkey in order to manipulate your emotions further.  Mad scientist social engineers have concluded that showing short bursts of completely unrelated content creates a confused mental and emotional state, which makes people much easier to manipulate.  

We’ll now take a short break so you can watch some social-engineering propaganda from one of our billionaire sponsors.    

Soothing Sales Voice:  

The car of the future is here today. 

The GoogAppleZon Orwell is now available. 

The Orwell is the world’s first fully autonomous vehicle.  

Features include: 

DEFCON A.I. system drives itself, fully integrated with military-industrial complex satellite systems! 

Completely resistant to human control! 

Automatically reports all activity to NSA! 

New thought monitoring technology makes sure passengers don’t engage in wrong-think. 

Smart cup holders! 

Starting at just fifty thousand violence-backed federal reserve notes. 

GoogAppleZon Orwell – We’ll take you.   

Male Presstitute:  Welcome back.  An order-following mini-tyrant announced today, from the District of Criminals, that the extortion-funded organization with a violence-backed monopoly on food and drug regulation, called the FDA, will have a new corrupt stooge from Monsanto stepping into the fancy-titled office of “commissioner” next week.  

He smugly said that this would ensure more poison getting into the food supply, which is crucial for the Satanic anti-life depopulation and social control agenda. When asked if he thought that having too many Monsanto stooges in the FDA might cause some backlash from the tax slave community, he nearly choked on his own hubris and said, “Actually, to the contrary, we’re so overconfident that we’re thinking of just openly letting Monsanto employees makeup the entire FDA.” 

Female Presstitute:  That's it for tonight. Thanks for choosing to be programmed.  Stay tuned for more mind manipulation in a fictional format.  Goodnight!

Thanks for your time and attention!

Just say "NO" to slavery!

First and third images are from pixabay.

Funny monkey is from maxpixel.net