Challenge #01987-E163: One Mildly Ominous Evening in Ankh-Morpork

in #fiction5 years ago


Archancellor Ridcully slowly walked around the blue box. It looked safe enough, despite the weird noise as it appeared. -- Anon Guest

And then someone who looked almost exactly like that fellow from the post office[1] popped out from the door. "Oh hallo," he said. "I seem to be very much lost. You see, I was on my way to Barcelona, and..." He trailed off. "Have I been here before?"

Archancellor Ridcully had a train of thought that couldn't be shifted from its rails. "I'm not buyin' anything off of yer no matter how shiny it is," he said on automatic.

The man in the smart suit and plimsols[2] stepped out. "Doesn't sound like me," he sounded convincingly confused. Waved around something that buzzed as it lit up. "Hm. Heavy thaumic fields... I'm guessing you get semi-regular incursions of parallel realities full of eldritch abominations? Hi. I'm the Doctor."

Ridcully backed away from the offered hand. To shake hands with Moist Von Lipwig was to lose track of several small items from ones pockets. "You cant pull the wool over my eyes," he said, "You're that post office fella who took over the Bank, last year."

"Ah." He nodded, as if that explained everything. "Quick question - am I still there?"

"What damn fool bloody question is that? Of course you can't be there. You're here. Stop playing silly buggers and get on with explaining this stunt." Stunt, in this case, pronounced: I can't be having with any of this nonsense, do take it elsewhere before paperwork manifests about it.

"Nevermind. I'll investigate on my own." He gave a friendly wave and sauntered out of the University campus as if he owned the place. Which was, when you got down to it, a very Moist walk. Or, if one wanted to avoid lexical confusion, a very Von Lipwig walk.

It only took ten minutes for things to start exploding. By then, the Doctor had found his doppelganger and had to present their case to Ridcully. Who had the predictable reaction.

"Bigods! There's two of you! Stop that at once!"

It only got worse from there, really.

[1] Despite the made-for-TV version of Moist Von Lipwig, I still headcannon him as being played by David Tennant. Leave me alone.
[2] Another, older word for sneakers/trainers/joggers/tennis shoes/sandshoes. Word for the day!

[Image (c) Can Stock Photo / labamba]

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