Hey Steemit! Rate/Critique My Query Letter.

in fiction •  4 months ago

No joke. Be ruthless, relentless. Would you read this? Critique my query letter!

I wrote a book and have been editing it for awhile. I need a query letter for a literary agent.

My difficulty is that, there are multiple character POVs, not just 2.

There's also two main narratives in the book. The first one, by chapters, is occupied by Thars, Dhakita and others. The second narrative encompasses the prologue/epilogue and the intro to each part fo the book (part 1,2,3,4). Not sure how to explain this in a query letter, if at all.

Query Letter

Earth has been left behind and the remnants of humanity survive in colonies scattered throughout the solar system. All colonies are unique, though none are pleasant. Fusang may be the worst.

Thars Ankar is a VR tech producing illegal simulations. From trips to the zoo to murder sims, he’s made them all. When he steals memories to create Fusang’s latest shocking memdoc, he attracts fatal attention. Now, he’s forced to produce of memdoc for a sadistic crime lord, one that could reveal something so horrific that the system’s rulers would kill to stop it.

Dhakita Orleone is an enforcer for Fusang’s largest smuggling operation. Addicted to amphetamines, her boss demands she take time off to kick her habit. She agrees to one last easy job on the side. When it goes sour, she’s entangled in a conspiracy and caught between revolution and loyalty. Dhakita must make a decision that will change Fusang forever.

Thars and Dhakita must navigate between criminal syndicates, Venusian mutants, Old World revolutionaries and worst that humanity has to offer, meeting a dynamic entourage of characters on the way. They learn the reason Fusang’s known as “Hell in Space”.

CAPTIVES is a 100,000-word science fiction novel.

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Not sure you need to explain about multiple POVs, the nature of the plot laid out, VR and stolen memories, strongly suggests the reader would get a range of perspectives that weave together to create an overall picture.

If I picked up a book, and this was the blurb, I would buy it.

Be ruthless, relentless

I doubt that you will get a honest critique on steemit about the novel's content. With reference to your query letter, I can say that it sounds clear and concise. I didn't feel any effort in reading about the different characters' storylines. Frankly, I didn't understand the part when you mention a second narrative encompassing the prologue/epilogue; probably, there's no need to explain that in your letter for now. I wish you all the best, let us know the developments.


I like it. It's very clear and easy to understand. There seems to be a lot of commas which distracted me a little. I agree with Calluna in that there is enough domain knowledge with the VR reference to expect there will be multiple point of views. Tech/technician is often a more junior role at least in the U.S. Engineer, Designer, Architect, etc could possibly sound more advanced if that's your wish.

Doesn't it depend on the agent and how they want query letters?


Doesn't it depend
On the agent and how they
Want query letters?

                 - mctiller

I'm a bot. I detect haiku.


i've no idea. never done the process before. looking for agents that fit the bill while trying to craft a general query letter.


I haven't sent a query letter in years, that's just how I remember it each one is different.