As hard as it is to understand sometimes we are not meant to be with someone as they draw their last breath in this world and that is ok. I can't tell you how many times God has made the decision to call someone home without me being in the room, in spite of me being there and again that is ok. From the time we are born we know we are not in control of the ending of when the final breath here will be and again that is ok. What we humans are called to do is to live and learn and there are days when this boot camp is so hard that we just don't see a way out of the pain and loss we feel, but it is living and learning as we go. Based on just your words of how your mum lived her life you have to consider do you really think she would have wanted you to witness her leaving? Most mums love their kids and never want them to witness the final breath they take, be blessed in knowing she loved you enough...