This QOTW links in with the Non violent communication workshop I am currently holding. In this question we have looked at our needs, and identified what they are. This is a crucial step in NVC, as it allows us to easily form simple requests that can meet our needs, rather than just venting, blaming, or otherwise preventing any chance of our needs being met. As Marshal Rosenberg says "Judgement and blame are a tragic expression of our unmet needs". Thank you to all who took part and shared with us about your needs. You will find this process very useful in the upcoming third workshop, so hold on to your thoughts as it is coming out tomorrow!
If you haven’t already seen this NVC workshop you can find links at the end of this post to the first two. This is a simple but powerful process, and im happy to see several of you have already discovered some real magical connections happening, especially with your children! So please take a look at our collective needs, and see how they compare to yours. Maybe you missed one or two, or will discover some you hadn't thought of. Thank you ALL for really keeping it real and digging deep, the rewards are yours.. and i don’t mean up-votes ;-)
This was a really interesting exercise - quite a nice way of increasing self-knowledge.
What I've concluded is that many of my basic needs are being met, but not necessarily in a sustainable fashion, but not to worry, this can all be remedied by a tiny little radical lifestyle change!
Physical well-being needs
While I don't necessarily agree that Maslow's hierarchy of needs is a pyramid, I still think it's important that these are met, and I think there is an extent to which if these needs aren't being met then many of the other needs aren't going to be met either, hence why I've highlighted these in green.
Largely these needs are met, but many of them are not being met via the means I'd like to be meeting them - i.e. I'd rather be building my own house, and growing my food, and chopping my own wood to generate my own warmth, rather than paying for these with a mortgage/ fiat.
In our existence as humans, stages in life determines what we desperately need as people and from infancy stage from example the need is always growth. Now we can have infancy for anything it could be the inception of anything, be it a business, a prospect or anything that needs nurturing, however in a decline stage or a stage where one has attained maturity and even achieved a lot I will say what is needed is sustenance and when there's a level of sustenance then growth or an uptrend can be maintained.
However at my stage in life all I need is productivity or productiveness for ever work or hardwork for the various endeavors I've set out to achieve in life.
Love and attention.
Love and attention is the most important need for me. When there is love, we could simply do many hard thing to easily. Love and attention are what we make it and we could make it so much better if we always try to show it to everyone. When there is a love we could grab attention from other people and vice versa. Love is the key to unity, peaceful living, and calmness whether in a family or a community. How would we live without love? So it must be one of those basic need that we need to have good attention for everyone.
Rightly said, What we lack is probably what we need the most. I feel important needs of life also keep changing and they are not always the same. In the moment what you need matters. I am going through this chart and not being very modest or anything of that sort but at this point of time in my life, there is nothing that I need the most personally for myself. Yes but what matters to me the most is there. If I have to review this chart, all of this matters to me but the most important one is the Physical well-being. Specially for my husband who is facing health issues as of now. So Physical well-being is the most important need for me at this time, not for myself directly but for my family.
When I look at that list of needs it is a far larger list than what I first had thought needs to be. I found it very difficult to narrow it down to just 5 needs which are important to me so I went through each category and highlighted the needs there that were important to me, which I will touch on in this post, than I made my final choice from those of what are the most important needs to me.
The first category under Physical I choose food, air, water and shelter which I almost take for granted for I have put in a lot of effort to ensure these basic needs are met. Something I feel necessary to maintain life (although I'm finding other things like love we can not thrive without either.) Another thing under Physical needs is health. This is very important to me for I know what it is to be without it!
Under Harmony I chose peace, another thing that I have worked hard bringing into my life and I sure notice it when my peace is disturbed!
Happiness is the "summum quaerere" of any human being and all our highest priorities are directed in that direction. What we think or feel that makes us happy is what moves our actions, being and energy.
Everyone is shaping their priorities, but in general, they are closer to each other than they seem. In the workshop on non-violent communication, @eco-alex warned us that there is a close relationship between meeting priority needs and the way we relate to the world and people.
Most of the time conflict, guilt and anger are tragic expressions of an unmet need.
Therefore, it is advisable to pay attention to our priority needs and consciously follow up to see to what extent dissatisfactions make us violent, without realizing it many times, in order to improve our internal and external relationships, because it is not surprising that unsatisfied needs also interfere with a healthy relationship with ourselves.
It is in this context that this week's QOTW takes place: What is your most important needs and are they being fulfilled?
Growing out of the first communication challenges in Portugal this last week with the eco-village start up team, @eco-alex has generously offered a 4 week FREE Non Violent Communication workshop. So much incredible learning and growing to be had... please join in!
NVC Workshop #2: Identifying feelings when speaking and listening
NVC Workshop 1 - Listening & Observation