A Memoir

Excerpt: In the four previous posts I have stated that most of the romantic relationships in our world are based on the dualistic structure and therefore carry certain inherent elements. In this article and those that will follow, I will describe and explain what duality really is.

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Duality is a neutral concept that describes neutral phenomena. It is distinctive from other concepts that are morally or ethically charged like conflict, imbalance, struggle and such. The Duality simply exists as a characteristic part of the three-dimensional realm, our reality that we experience, and to which humanity is no exception.

Wherever we look we find duality: Good and bad, night and day, male and female, dirty and clean; high and low, and so on and so forth. In order to function in the world, we are trained, from birth, to think of and perceive the world in a dualistic manner. For instance, we could not set an appointment without giving meaning to two opposite concepts - punctuality and delay; swimming in the sea would be partly meaningless without concepts as dry and wet because if we didn’t give meaning to our human senses we would not be able to experience the events that accompany those senses.

In a world with no dualism at all, a tree that falls in a forest with no people cannot be heard!

Our whole existence as humans depends on our function in a dualistic world. Without death, which is the dual-partner of life, most of our ways of life would be different. For instance, if we knew that life cannot be extinct, that life always exists and there is no death, i.e. no duality, then wars in which we try to annihilate our enemies would become pointless and futile and therefore cease to occur. It seems that the human race is incapable of living and acting without the duality which probably allows the universe to exist in the first place.

Duality plays a crucial role in the interactions between human beings and is seen most clearly in spousal-romantic relationships. The common man and woman that we all have come to know in our culture represent the two sides of the dualistic life and therefore, once they establish a relationship it must be dualistic as well. When the woman, for instance, expects the man to court and “win” her she aligns herself with the passive side of duality and expects to receive attention. Such attitude may be temporary, for as long as the courting period lasts, but nevertheless, it is a decision that the woman takes. A man who declares that he will take care of his wife and “buy for her everything she needs” positions himself on the other side of the duality spectrum - the nursing, pampering, and caring side.

Usually, the spouses divide between themselves the responsibilities and functions that each takes regarding managing the household and maintaining the family affairs; such a division is an excellent manifestation of the duality principle. The couple can agree, for instance, that the woman would be responsible for the interior affairs, that are the children-care, the food and the cleaning and the man would be responsible for the foreign affairs that are the financial issues, negotiations with third parties and such. The purpose of such division is to make life more efficient and it is not wrong by all means as long as neither one of them releases him/her self completely from being responsible. For example, if the woman chooses the easy solution and leaves the financial issues to her spouse because “he is better than me in such things” then she should not be surprised if later in the future she discovers that her spouse has lost all their savings, forcing her to once again take on responsibility for her financial life.

You see, the soul only wants your growth and development and one significant step on that path is to be responsible for your life and not give your power away.

The woman in our example will discover that she should not have relinquished her responsibility for her own financial affairs. It is only when she is self-confident and secure in her own inner powers to run her life, that it would become appropriate to delegate her responsibilities to others. The same goes for the man. If he chooses, out of comfort or other reasons, to renounce his responsibilities as a father and let his wife take care of their children then he should not be surprised if the children become attached to their mother much more than to him.

Duality in emotional interactions

When we examine old-energy relationships we see that the duality is mostly present in the fulfillment of each other’s emotional and physical needs. After all, a large portion of the relationships is meant to fill certain requirements or needs, such as religious order, social axioms, procreation, the need for a spiritual guide, the fear of aging alone, the need for financial support etc.

Fulfilling needs is not a principle seen only in spousal/romantic relationships; it is present in all interactions between humans. For example, a single woman who chooses to get pregnant and give birth to a child desires, among other things, to fulfill her need to be a mother, to have someone to look after, to have a meaning in life etc. The fulfillment of such wants is dualistic because it distinguishes between the individual who needs something and the subject of his searches that eventually answers that need.

It can be said that each time a human forms an attachment to something that is outside of themselves (be it a person, an object or an experience) they position themselves inside a dualistic system.

Let me be clear though. I am not claiming that the world, humanity, should be transformed to unity! Contrary to what many spiritual dogmas claim, we are NOT one, the universe is NOT one, and Nirvana does not lie in destroying the old order of duality and joining together to one big happy family. My claim is that each individual, each person for themselves, should gather their facets, overcome the duality within themselves, and become a whole unit unto themselves.

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In the reunion of the human, the master, and the soul, lies the realization.

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The Twin Soul – A Myth

I wish to describe a well-known example of the dualistic condition, which is seen as a sacred cow for many, and by that suggest a higher point of view - The Twin soul, The Other half.

Since our childhood, we have been educated under the umbrella of romance which stated, rather plainly, that when we grow up we will meet someone who would be our compliment, our other half, to whom our destiny would be attached forever. Almost every woman/man fantasizes about their prince charming or princess bride, expecting, wishing and praying that faith will reunite them with their perfect ONE. That sublime destined lover is expected to be gifted with all the required characteristics to take care of them, to improve their life and to give them what they cannot give themselves. The connection between those two halves is mystical and magical because only a higher force – God perhaps – is perceived to be able to control and to accord the events that would lead them to find their most perfect match.

Such psychic formation of beliefs creates a conflict within one’s personality. One is guided to think and believe in the existence of another human outside of oneself that can complete one’s shortcomings. The ultimate relationship therefore, is perceived by one to be two halves of a larger self and so the biggest obstacle is unavoidable because once we conceive in terms of two we automatically put ourselves inside the box of dualism.

But Is this a genuine and true understanding of the reality?!

In my next article, I will claim that TrueLove cannot co-exist with a dualistic approach to life and in order to find real, and realization, one needs to leave the confinements of the old understanding of love, relationships and life.