Your writing about your growing up years was (and is) painful for you. I can't even imagine what it must have been like for you to endure what you had to as a kid.

I think having a presence here on steemit and writing, which you love to do, is helping you to deal with the issues in ways that were never presented to you before. I suspect it's good therapy.

You're changing. Little by little. Keep writing; get it out of your system. Others will respond as they are able and maybe one day, you'll be able to reject all of the bad from the past, and live and enjoy life and freedom, living in the moment. :) Sending a MB upvote to you.