The Extra Beyond What I Thought I Could Manage - Life Stretching Me To New Capacities That Feel Perfect Somehow

in diary •  2 months ago 

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There is a recurring pattern in my life that intrigues me to no end. I stil don't quite know what to make of it but if I had to interpret it I would say there is a certain amount of dialogue involved in how challenging and rewarding tasks "get to get" in my life. Depending on how I feel about them.

So, a good week ago I was calculating my remaining matrix hours before I turn to preparing my travels fulltime before I take the jump into the unknown. And I was happy with it - I worked my ass off, delivered great quality and felt at times that the end of that stretch was desperately awaited by me: Just taking one or two days off from every obligation in my private life, smoking the first thc in like half a year and generally trying nothing but enjoy myself doing frivolous things without purpose but leisure whenever my matrix contract would be done...

But then I almost felt like it wouldn't be that easy.

It seemed to work on paper but I did my best not to get my hopes up too high. And guess what? It looks like I will be doing a good 5 more days overtime from tomorrow, beyond my contract with my employer because I do such great work and they have a special few jobs where they really need me. I feel flattered, I may get some extra financial rewards out of it but really what it means is the universe amped it up and went beyond what I think I can do, putting the new goal just in sight at the horizon. 5 more days, well, haven't we been here before?

The difference is with those overhours there will be no further discussion for even more work, simply because accepting these hours now came with the fixed promise that this would be it and that they will be forever grateful for it. It's also the type of job that intrigues me, bringing me back into my hometown I had moved away from a good 7 years ago when I was totally unsure what I wanted and where i was going. It's almost like a finaly cosmic exam, working a good job, getting extra pay for a national holiday and being with full-force catering among bureaucrats of the system I regularly laugh it, in the town I was born at, before I finish that whole life stretch to jump into my new existence on the road. Coincidence can't even begin to describe it, it's just too good.

"Universe you are funny, putting me at that job in particular for the end of my career with my current company." And so it shall be. I will take a good rest today, get back to everything I have learnt about being in the zone at work over the last year and getting my actual last days done now, looking forward to my final bigger paycheck and lining up the thc date and a big ass cake for when I get back from work on thursday focussing on npothing but being stupid and irresponsible for one or two days...

Recharging is needed after all of this, and though this end is demanding and more challenging that I thought it would end a week ago, I feel it somehow is exactly what I wanted and how it has to happen.

Then I will make no further compromises, taking all the time to myself that I need in order to feel rebalanced, able to tackle the next chapter in my life. So here goes another week of my life working for megacroporations and the gang by proxy, always having my own vision in mind for when that time finally comes. Soon.

Wish me luck <3


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"smoking the first thc in like half a year"

Nice. I have taken a few long breaks from weed over the years and coming back is always interesting. It amost feels like getting high for the first time again. I remember you saying that you had a complicated relationship with that drug, if I'm not mistaken and it is good to hear that you are dipping your toe back in.

Hey, that is great that you were asked to work extra. It goes to show that you are doing a great job. Employers are rarely our friends and we can't trust their compliments but when we see that keeping us working serves their (probably) selfish interests, we can know that we are truly preforming our duties well. lol

it's true, I feel karma wants to give me yet another opportunity to come crashing my way <3 So I took it ;)

Then, stoned!!!!!

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same here, brother! :) respect, gratitude and serving to to willing ones.... ;)