Hi @byn. Honestly when I have my really bad days, I feel exactly the same way. I don't want to be around people. I don't want to talk to anyone. Talking to people ends up being belittle or patronized and I can't stand either so at that point I would rather be alone.

To me the pain you have mentioned seems worse than mine. I haven't lost anyone thankfully. I have had relatives and people I have known commit suicide, they were 'distant' enough it wasn't much emotional turmoil. My kids are honestly why I am still here. When I hit my lowest, I could even rationalize how they would be better off without me so you know you're in a bad way. Sharing stories is probably the best way to help and help take away the stigma.

Hang in there. If you ever need to just chat please feel free to message me on Discord.